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Кто хочет знать английский как англичанин, тот читает тут рассказы на настоящем королевском английском языке. В оригинале . Реклама @neznayca или по ссылке telega.in/c/one_story
Erid:2VtzqwmX7CP
Мало кто знает, что 90% производимого вина — не становится лучше с годами
Ещё меньше людей знают о том, что на бутылке вина указывают не год разлития, а сбора урожая, из которого оно сделано.
Таких фактов — десятки, и чтобы выбрать недорогое, качественное и действительно вкусное вино — их лучше бы знать. Кстати, сегодня для этого необязательно становиться сомелье.
В канале «Simple Wine News» собраны все факты, советы и истории про благородный напиток. Достаточно подписаться на канал и уже в следующий раз — выбирать лучшее.
Наверное, это лучшая находка перед Новым годом: t.me/simple_wine_news
Реклама. ООО КОМПАНИЯ «СИМПЛ», ИНН 7711078582
Christmas at Fezziwig's Warehouse
by Charles Dickens
Mr. Fezziwig is a character in Dickens' A Christmas Carol, in which he and his wife convert their place of business to a raucous Christmas Eve ball! For young children's benefit, a charming vignette (or rather, pirouette?).
"Yo Ho! my boys," said Fezziwig. "No more work to-night! Christmas Eve, Dick! Christmas, Ebenezer! Let's have the shutters up!" cried old Fezziwig with a sharp clap of his hands, "before a man can say Jack Robinson. . . ."
"Hilli-ho!" cried old Fezziwig, skipping down from the high desk with wonderful agility. "Clear away, my lads, and let's have lots of room here! Hilli-ho, Dick! Cheer-up, Ebenezer!"
Clear away! There was nothing they wouldn't have cleared away, or couldn't have cleared away with old Fezziwig looking on. It was done in a minute. Every movable was packed off, as if it were dismissed from public life forevermore; the floor was swept and watered, the lamps were trimmed, fuel was heaped upon the fire; and the warehouse was as snug, and warm, and dry, and bright a ballroom as you would desire to see on a winter's night.
In came a fiddler with a music book, and went up to the lofty desk and made an orchestra of it and tuned like fifty stomach-aches. In came Mrs. Fezziwig, one vast substantial smile. In came the three Misses Fezziwig, beaming and lovable. In came the six followers whose hearts they broke. In came all the young men and women employed in the business. In came the housemaid with her cousin the baker. In came the cook with her brother's particular friend the milkman. In came the boy from over the way, who was suspected of not having board enough from his master, trying to hide himself behind the girl from next door but one who was proved to have had her ears pulled by her mistress; in they all came, anyhow and everyhow. Away they all went, twenty couple at once; hands half round and back again the other way; down the middle and up again; round and round in various stages of affectionate grouping, old top couple always turning up in the wrong place; new top couple starting off again, as soon as they got there; all top couples at last, and not a bottom one to help them.
When this result was brought about the fiddler struck up "Sir Roger de Coverley." Then old Fezziwig stood out to dance with Mrs. Fezziwig. Top couple, too, with a good stiff piece of work cut out for them; three or four and twenty pairs of partners; people who were not to be trifled with; people who would dance and had no notion of walking.
But if they had been thrice as many--oh, four times as many--old Fezziwig would have been a match for them, and so would Mrs. Fezziwig. As to her, she was worthy to be his partner in every sense of the term. If that's not high praise, tell me higher and I'll use it. A positive light appeared to issue from Fezziwig's calves. They shone in every part of the dance like moons. You couldn't have predicted at any given time what would become of them next. And when old Fezziwig and Mrs. Fezziwig had gone all through the dance, advance and retire; both hands to your partner, bow and courtesy, corkscrew, thread the needle, and back again to your place; Fezziwig "cut"--cut so deftly that he appeared to wink with his legs, and came upon his feet again with a stagger.
When the clock struck eleven the domestic ball broke up. Mr. and Mrs. Fezziwig took their stations, one on either side of the door, and shaking hands with every person individually, as he or she went out, wished him or her a Merry Christmas!
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
WANTED: Burly beauty-proof individual to read meters in sorority houses. We haven't made a nickel in two years. The Gas Co.—Michigan Gargoyle.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COLLEGE GRADUATES
"Can't I take your order for one of our encyclopedias!" asked the dapper agent.
"No I guess not," said the busy man. "I might be able to use it a few times, but my son will be home from college in June."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COLLECTORS AND COLLECTING
Sir Walter Raleigh had called to take a cup of tea with Queen Elizabeth.
"It was very good of you, Sir Walter," said her Majesty, smiling sweetly upon the gallant Knight, "to ruin your cloak the other day so that my feet should not be wet by that horrid puddle. May I not instruct my Lord High Treasurer to reimburse you for it?"
"Don't mention it, your Majesty," replied Raleigh. "It only cost two and six, and I have already sold it to an American collector for eight thousand pounds."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A retail dealer in buggies doing business in one of the large towns in northern Indiana wrote to a firm in the east ordering a carload of buggies. The firm wired him:
"Cannot ship buggies until you pay for your last consignment."
"Unable to wait so long," wired back the buggy dealer, "cancel order."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COLLECTING OF ACCOUNTS
An enterprising firm advertised: "All persons indebted to our store are requested to call and settle. All those indebted to our store and not knowing it are requested to call and find out. Those knowing themselves indebted and not wishing to call, are requested to stay in one place long enough for us to catch them."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COINS
He had just returned from Paris and said to his old aunt in the country: "Here, Aunt, is a silver franc piece I brought you from Paris as a souvenir."
"Thanks, Herman," said the old lady. "I wish you'd thought to have brought me home one of them Latin quarters I read so much about."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
• Альфа-банк заплатит вам 8500 рублей, за открытие банковского счета
• Сбер начислит 40% кэшбек на ВСЕ покупки. Достаточно ввести промокод сотрудника (коды) в Сбермаркете.
• А у банка «Тинькофф» есть акция — клеишь наклейку на машину или ноутбук и получаешь 4000 ₽/мес
Российские банки - не паханное поле халявы. И если вы не хотите тратить десятки часов на их поиски вручную – заходите в Беспощадного Банкстера.
Там сами сотрудники сливают все скрытые спецтарифы банков и показывают, как получать с них 50-70 тыс. в месяц, ничего не делая.
Если хотите зарабатывать за счёт банков — вам сюда: Беспощадный Банкстер.
COAL DEALERS
In a Kansas town where two brothers are engaged in the retail coal business a revival was recently held and the elder of the brothers was converted. For weeks he tried to persuade his brother to join the church. One day he asked:
"Why can't you join the church like I did?"
"It's a fine thing for you to belong to the church," replied the younger brother, "If I join the church who'll weigh the coal?"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
The guest landing at the yacht club float with his host, both of them wearing oilskins and sou'-westers to protect them from the drenching rain, inquired:
"And who are those gentlemen seated on the veranda, looking so spick and span in their white duck yachting caps and trousers, and keeping the waiters running all the time?"
"They're the rocking-chair members. They never go outside, and they're waterproof inside."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Помните из советского кино только «Иронию судьбы» и «Иван Васильевич меняет профессию»?
Очень зря.
Вы не представляете, сколько в СССР снималось душевных и талантливых работ, которые не обрели огромной популярности.
Познакомьтесь с шедеврами советского кинематографа в канале «Кино и голуби»
Устали от однообразного современного кино?
Насладитесь шедеврами прошлого — @kino_golubi 🕊️
Канал для тех, кто хочет заговорить на итальянском с нуля, не выходя из дома. Здесь публикуем эфиры с Альберто, эффективные уроки итальянского и рассказываем про практику с учениками в Тоскане и Сиене.
🇮🇹Переходи на канал и забирай свой первый урок итальянского и стикеры👇
/channel/magnitalia_ru/4520?erid=LjN8JxMER
CLOTHING
One morning as Mark Twain returned from a neighborhood morning call, sans necktie, his wife met him at the door with the exclamation: "There, Sam, you have been over to the Stowes's again without a necktie! It's really disgraceful the way you neglect your dress!"
Her husband said nothing, but went up to his room.
A few minutes later his neighbor—Mrs. S.—was summoned to the door by a messenger, who presented her with a small box neatly done up. She opened it and found a black silk necktie, accompanied by the following note: "Here is a necktie. Take it out and look at it. I think I stayed half an hour this morning. At the end of that time will you kindly return it, as it is the only one I have?—Mark Twain."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A pompous Bishop of Oxford was once stopped on a London street by a ragged urchin.
"Well, my little man, and what can I do for you?" inquired the churchman.
"The time o' day, please, your lordship."
With considerable difficulty the portly bishop extracted his timepiece.
"It is exactly half past five, my lad."
"Well," said the boy, setting his feet for a good start, "at 'alf past six you go to 'ell!"—and he was off like a flash and around the corner. The bishop, flushed and furious, his watch dangling from its chain, floundered wildly after him. But as he rounded the corner he ran plump into the outstretched arms of the venerable Bishop of London.
"Oxford, Oxford," remonstrated that surprised dignitary, "why this unseemly haste?"
Puffing, blowing, spluttering, the outraged Bishop gasped out:
"That young ragamuffin—I told him it was half past five—he—er—told me to go to hell at half past six."
"Yes, yes," said the Bishop of London with the suspicion of a twinkle in his kindly old eyes, "but why such haste? You've got almost an hour."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A Letter from Santa Claus
by Mark Twain
Mark Twain wrote this letter to his 3 year old daughter from Santa Claus in 1875. You could say he was over the moon for her.
Palace of Saint Nicholas in the Moon Christmas Morning
My Dear Susy Clemens,
I have received and read all the letters which you and your little sister have written me . . . . I can read your and your baby sister's jagged and fantastic marks without any trouble at all. But I had trouble with those letters which you dictated through your mother and the nurses, for I am a foreigner and cannot read English writing well. You will find that I made no mistakes about the things which you and the baby ordered in your own letters--I went down your chimney at midnight when you were asleep and delivered them all myself--and kissed both of you, too . . . . But . . . there were . . . one or two small orders which I could not fill because we ran out of stock . . . .
There was a word or two in your mama's letter which . . . I took to be "a trunk full of doll's clothes." Is that it? I will call at your kitchen door about nine o'clock this morning to inquire. But I must not see anybody and I must not speak to anybody but you. When the kitchen doorbell rings, George must be blindfolded and sent to the door. You must tell George he must walk on tiptoe and not speak-- otherwise he will die someday. Then you must go up to the nursery and stand on a chair or the nurse's bed and put your ear to the speaking tube that leads down to the kitchen and when I whistle through it you must speak in the tube and say, "Welcome, Santa Claus!" Then I will ask whether it was a trunk you ordered or not. If you say it was, I shall ask you what color you want the trunk to be . . . and then you must tell me every single thing in detail which you want the trunk to contain. Then when I say "Good-by and a merry Christmas to my little Susy Clemens," you must say "Good-by, good old Santa Claus, I thank you very much." Then you must go down into the library and make George close all the doors that open into the main hall, and everybody must keep still for a little while. I will go to the moon and get those things and in a few minutes I will come down the chimney that belongs to the fireplace that is in the hall--if it is a trunk you want--because I couldn't get such a thing as a trunk down the nursery chimney, you know . . . .If I should leave any snow in the hall, you must tell George to sweep it into the fireplace, for I haven't time to do such things. George must not use a broom, but a rag--else he will die someday . . . . If my boot should leave a stain on the marble, George must not holystone it away. Leave it there always in memory of my visit; and whenever you look at it or show it to anybody you must let it remind you to be a good little girl. Whenever you are naughty and someone points to that mark which your good old Santa Claus's boot made on the marble, what will you say, little sweetheart?
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Ошибка жителей Москвы и Питера №1: тратить деньги в центре. Люди не знают, что в паре станций метро есть заведения и развлечения в 4-5 раз дешевле.
Такие места даже искать не надо — всё уже собрали в двух лучших каналах про столицы.
🌇 Эй, Москва!
🌃 Эй, Питер!
Здесь находят антуражные заведения, мероприятия которые можно посетить бесплатно и места для прогулок, о которых не знают туристы.
В общем, это ваши карманные путеводители которые помогут вам круто отдохнуть в столицах за копейки, подписывайтесь:
🌇 Эй, Москва!
🌃 Эй, Питер!
COLLEGE STUDENTS
"Say, dad, remember that story you told me about when you were expelled from college?"
"Yes."
"Well, I was just thinking, dad, how true it is that history repeats itself."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
ChatGPT-5 теперь в телеграм!
В сеть попала новая версия нейросети. Это нечто: она работает в 640 раз лучше ChatGPT-4 и её невозможно отличить от человека.
Попробовать новую нейронку можно тут: ChatGPT-5.
Балет — это НЕскучно
Автор канала БалетON это доказывает. Тренер и хореограф с опытом в 22 года интересно и просто рассказывает о классическом танце
БалетON ждет почитателей балетного искусства и не только. Там НЕскучно. Всегда есть, что почитать и посмотреть.
Загляните в канал ➡️ @balet и убедитесь
"Sir," said the haughty American to his adhesive tailor, "I object to this boorish dunning. I would have you know that my great-great-grandfather was one of the early settlers."
"And yet," sighed the anxious tradesman, "there are people who believe in heredity."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
〰️ Книги — скучно. Тут размазывают одни и те же мысли на 300-400 страниц.
〰️ Курсы — дорого. Можно заплатить 200 000 и ничего не получить.
〰️ Высшее образование — умерло. Там давно нет знаний.
Поэтому ловите лайфхак — изучайте бесплатные курсы в Телеграме. С их помощью вы станете практически Богом: научитесь рисовать, программировать, дизайнить, писать книги и даже укладывать плитку полностью бесплатно.
Всё просто — заходите на Лекторий, выбираете курс и смотрите. Материалы за 5 000р., 10 000р. и даже 40 000р. здесь не стоят вообще ничего.
Не нужно платить за образование, нужно умело пользоваться Telegram. Вот здесь — Лекторий.
COFFEE
Among the coffee-drinkers a high place must be given to Bismarck. He liked coffee unadulterated. While with the Prussian Army in France he one day entered a country inn and asked the host if he had any chicory in the house. He had. Bismarck said—"Well, bring it to me; all you have." The man obeyed and handed Bismarck a canister full of chicory. "Are you sure this is all you have?" demanded the Chancellor. "Yes, my lord, every grain." "Then," said Bismarck, keeping the canister by him, "go now and make me a pot of coffee."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COEDUCATION
The speaker was waxing eloquent, and after his peroration on woman's rights he said: "When they take our girls, as they threaten, away from the coeducational colleges, what will follow? What will follow, I repeat?"
And a loud, masculine voice in the audience replied: "I will!"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
One afternoon thirty ladies met at the home of Mrs. Lyons to form a woman's club. The hostess was unanimously elected president. The next day the following ad appeared in the newspaper:
"Wanted—a reliable woman to take care of a baby. Apply to Mrs. J. W. Lyons."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
CLUBS
Belle and Ben had just announced their engagement.
"When we are married," said Belle, "I shall expect you to shave every morning. It's one of the rules of the club I belong to that none of its members shall marry a man who won't shave every morning."
"Oh, that's all right," replied Ben; "but what about the mornings I don't get home in time? I belong to a club, too."—M.A. Hitchcock.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
"The evening wore on," continued the man who was telling the story.
"Excuse me," interrupted the would-be-wit; "but can you tell us what the evening wore on that occasion?"
"I don't know that it is important," replied the story-teller. "But if you must know, I believe it was the close of a summer day."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A man whose trousers bagged badly at the knees was standing on a corner waiting for a car. A passing Irishman stopped and watched him with great interest for two or three minutes; at last he said:
"Well, why don't ye jump?"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
CLIMATE
In a certain town the local forecaster of the weather was so often wrong that his predictions became a standing joke, to his no small annoyance, for he was very sensitive. At length, in despair of living down his reputation, he asked headquarters to transfer him to another station.
A brief correspondance ensued.
"Why," asked headquarters, "do you wish to be transferred?"
"Because," the forecaster promptly replied, "the climate doesn't agree with me."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
On one occasion the minister delivered a sermon of but ten minutes' duration—a most unusual thing for him.
Upon the conclusion of his remarks he added: "I regret to inform you, brethren, that my dog, who appears to be peculiarly fond of paper, this morning ate that portion of my sermon that I have not delivered. Let us pray."
After the service the clergyman was met at the door by a man who as a rule, attended divine service in another parish. Shaking the good man by the hand he said:
"Doctor, I should like to know whether that dog of yours has any pups. If so I want to get one to give to my minister."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы