17336
Кто хочет знать английский как англичанин, тот читает тут рассказы на настоящем королевском английском языке. В оригинале! . . Ваш слуга: @neznayca (оплата только сюда)
CONGRESSMEN
It was at a banquet in Washington given to a large body of congressmen, mostly from the rural districts. The tables were elegant, and it was a scene of fairy splendor; but on one table there were no decorations but palm leaves.
"Here," said a congressman to the head waiter, "why don't you put them things on our table too?" pointing to the plants.
The head waiter didn't know he was a congressman.
"We cain't do it, boss," he whispered confidentially; "dey's mostly congressmen at 'dis table, an' if we put pa'ms on de table dey take um for celery an' eat um all up sho. 'Deed dey would, boss. We knows 'em."
Representative X, from North Carolina, was one night awakened by his wife, who whispered, "John, John, get up! There are robbers in the house."
"Robbers?" he said. "There may be robbers in the Senate, Mary; but not in the House! It's preposterous!"—John N. Cole, Jr.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
КОНГРЕСС
Конгресс — это национальный следственный орган, целью которого является получение ценной информации, а затем ничего с ней не делать.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Если у вас есть хоть 1 банковская карта — можете смело сломать ее пополам
Горько признавать, но 97% людей используют карты только ради покупок. И даже не подозревают, что можно: обнулить любой кредит, получить льготную ипотеку и спокойно жить на кешбэках
«Хитрые» сотрудники банков не говорят о скрытых функциях и молчат про халявные условия. Но есть канал — Беспощадный банкстер, где раскрывают все карты
Загляните и до конца жизни сможете законно брать кредиты под 0%, навсегда уберёте с карт все списания и комиссии, поставите себе 10-процентный кэшбэк НА ВСЁ. Вот ссылка — @bezposhady
COMPROMISES
Boss—"There's $10 gone from my cash drawer, Johnny; you and I were the only people who had keys to that drawer."
Office Boy—"Well, s'pose we each pay $5 and say no more about it."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COMPLIMENTS
Supper was in progress, and the father was telling about a row which took place in front of his store that morning: "The first thing I saw was one man deal the other a sounding blow, and then a crowd gathered. The man who was struck ran and grabbed a large shovel he had been using on the street, and rushed back, his eyes blazing fiercely. I thought he'd surely knock the other man's brains out, and I stepped right in between them."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COMPETITION
A new baby arrived at a house. A little girl—now fifteen—had been the pet of the family. Every one made much of her, but when there was a new baby she felt rather neglected.
"How are you, Mary?" a visitor asked of her one afternoon.
"Oh, I'm all right," she said, "except that I think there is too much competition in this world."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COMPENSATION
"Speakin' of de law of compensation," said Uncle Eben, "an automobile goes faster dan a mule, but at de same time it hits harder and balks longer."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A friend once wrote Mark Twain a letter saying that he was in very bad health, and concluding: "Is there anything worse than having toothache and earache at the same time?"
The humorist wrote back: "Yes, rheumatism and Saint Vitus's dance."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Подозреваю, что вам нравится литература?) А загляните на наш канал с редкими и популярными фильмами про писателей, художников, музыкантов, и других талантов.
Здесь вас ждут уникальные и захватывающие ленты из разных стран и эпох, которые не только известны, но и те что не показывают по ТВ и не выходят в кино.
Подпишитесь сейчас /channel/+R3dmb5c9hY4wMzJi и начните своё незабываемое путешествие по миру литературы и искусства. Жмите на ссылку и присоединяйтесь!
По статистике, 83% родителей никуда не ходят со своим ребёнком.
Большинство современных детей словно брошены на произвол судьбы: целыми днями смотрят тиктоки, а вместо живого общения пользуются соцсетями и интернетом.
Если вы не хотите, чтобы ваш ребёнок вырос закрытым и превратился в цифрового зомби, возьмите на заметку эти каналы:
🌇 Москва для детей
🏙 Питер для детей
Тут находят способы круто провести время с детьми в Москве и Питере, от которых ваш малыш будет в восторге: игровые центры, детские кафе и бесплатные развлечения для семей. Пользуйтесь.
Считаете себя культурным человеком? А вы знаете:
• Почему нельзя говорить «приятного аппетита» и «будь здоров»?
• Когда можно переходить на «ты»?
• Что делать, если забыл как зовут собеседника?
Забудьте про 10 видов вилок — на канале «Где твои манеры» вам расскажут, всё о том, как вести себя культурно: от праздничного стола и свидания до переписки в Сети.
Подпишись, потому что культурными людьми не рождаются, ими становятся: @etiketmaneri
Есть мнение, что почти все российские банки делают своим друзьям и родственникам «блатные» опции — выдают беспроцентные кредиты, обнуляют все возможные комиссии и подключают им завышенные кэшбэки к банковским картам.
Так вот выяснилось, что по закону такие нулевые тарифы и беспроцентные кредиты банки обязаны предоставлять и остальным клиентам.
Однако на сайтах эти тарифы не размещаются, и чтобы их получить, нужно либо перечитывать регламенты, либо вручную искать служебные ссылки. Так что если вы не "особый" клиент и связей в банках у вас нету — подпишитесь на Беспощадного Банкстера. Там пишут о спецтарифах банков — вечно бесплатные карты, служебные тарифы с повышенным кэшбэком, промо-вклады с доходом в 14% годовых и маркетинговые кредиты под 0%, которые никогда не попадают на витрину.
Подпишитесь всего 1 раз — и до конца жизни сможете законно брать кредиты под 0%, навсегда уберёте с карт все списания и комиссии, поставите себе 10-процентный кэшбэк НА ВСЁ. Вот канал — @bezposhady
A nervous commuter on his dark, lonely way home from the railroad station heard footsteps behind him. He had an uncomfortable feeling that he was being followed. He increased his speed. The footsteps quickened accordingly. The commuter darted down a lane. The footsteps still pursued him. In desperation he vaulted over a fence and, rushing into a churchyard, threw himself panting on one of the graves.
"If he follows me here," he thought fearfully, "there can be no doubt as to his intentions."
The man behind was following. He could hear him scrambling over the fence. Visions of highwaymen, maniacs, garroters and the like flashed through his brain. Quivering with fear, the nervous one arose and faced his pursuer.
"What do you want?" he demanded. "Wh-why are you following me?"
"Say," asked the stranger, mopping his brow, "do you always go home like this? I'm going up to Mr. Brown's and the man at the station told me to follow you, as you lived next door. Excuse my asking you, but is there much more to do before we get there?"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
"I see you carrying home a new kind of breakfast food," remarked the first commuter.
"Yes," said the second commuter, "I was missing too many trains. The old brand required three seconds to prepare. You can fix this new brand in a second and a half."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COMMON SENSE
A mysterious building had been erected on the outskirts of a small town. It was shrouded in mystery. All that was known about it was that it was a chemical laboratory. An old farmer, driving past the place after work had been started, and seeing a man in the doorway, called to him:
"What be ye doin' in this place?"
"We are searching for a universal solvent—something that will dissolve all things," said the chemist.
"What good will thet be?"
"Imagine, sir! It will dissolve all things. If we want a solution of iron, glass, gold—anything, all that we have to do is to drop it in this solution."
"Fine," said the farmer, "fine! What be ye goin' to keep it in?"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
"Judging from the stuff printed in the newspapers," says a congressman, "we are a pretty bad lot. Almost in the class a certain miss whom I know unconsciously puts us in. It was at a recent examination at her school that the question was put, 'Who makes the laws of our government?'
"'Congress,' was the united reply.
"'How is Congress divided?' was the next query.
"My young friend raised her hand.
"'Well,' said the teacher, 'what do you say the answer is?'
"Instantly, with an air of confidence as well as triumph, the Miss replied, 'Civilized, half civilized, and savage.'"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
"Confession is good for the soul."
"Yes, but it's bad for the reputation."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Little Ethel had been brought up with a firm hand and was always taught to report misdeeds promptly. One afternoon she came sobbing penitently to her mother.
"Mother, I—I broke a brick in the fireplace."
"Well, it might be worse. But how on earth did you do it, Ethel?"
"I pounded it with your watch."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
🚫 Вспомните или изучите правила дорожного движения в нашем боте /channel/test_pddbot
Если вы всё ещё не заходили в нашего бота с правилами ПДД или заходили давно, то самое время сделать это прямо сейчас. А для тех кто пользуется ботом часто тоже есть хорошая новость.
🆕 С сегодняшнего дня вы сможете пользоваться всеми разделами бота и отключить рекламу. Для этого нужно выбрать подписку и провести оплату любой банковской картой в рублях прямо в боте.
Что даёт подписка:
— все разделы без ограничений;
— отсутствие рекламы:
— отсутствие обязательной подписки на канал;
🔞 Поспешите оформить пока цена низкая на период теста — после оплаты для вас ничего не изменится если цена повысится.
🎮 В режиме "Играть всеми билетами" подписка не требуется и игра доступна бесплатно с ограничением 20 вопросов в день. Заходите бесплатно!
💻 Важно напомнить, что так же можно оплатить и криптовалютой, а при оплате криптовалютой цена меньше до 30%.
⭐️ Присоединяйтесь: @test_pddbot
A farmer during a long-continued drought invented a machine for watering his fields. The very first day while he was trying it there suddenly came a downpour of rain. He put away his machine.
"It's no use," he said; "you can do nothing nowadays without competition."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
🌟 Открой для себя ежедневное вдохновение с Linba! 📖✨
Каждый день мы делимся фразами на английском языке, которые помогут вам улучшить ваши знания английского, независимо от вашего текущего уровня.
👉 Подписывайтесь сейчас и делитесь лучшими постами с друзьями!
@linba_app
Is it possible your pragmatical worship should not know that the comparisons made between wit and wit, courage and courage, beauty and beauty, birth and birth, are always odious and ill taken?
"Girls make me tired," said the fresh young man. "They are always going to palmists to have their hands read."
"Indeed!" said she sweetly; "is that any worse than men going into saloons to get their noses red?"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
"Darling," whispered the ardent suitor, "I lay my fortune at your feet."
"Your fortune?" she replied in surprise. "I didn't know you had one."
"Well, it isn't much of a fortune, but it will look large besides those tiny feet."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A well-known author tells of an English spinster who said, as she watched a great actress writhing about the floor as Cleopatra:
"How different from the home life of our late dear queen!"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
The Rev. Dr. William Emerson, of Boston, son of Ralph Waldo Emerson, recently made a trip through the South, and one Sunday attended a meeting in a colored church. The preacher was a white man, however, a white man whose first name was George, and evidently a prime favorite with the colored brethren. When the service was over Dr. Emerson walked home behind two members of the congregation, and overheard this conversation: "Massa George am a mos' pow'ful preacher." "He am dat." "He's mos's pow'ful as Abraham Lincoln." "Huh! He's mo' pow'ful dan Lincoln." "He's mos' 's pow'ful as George Washin'ton." "Huh! He's mo' pow'ful dan Washin'ton." "Massa George ain't quite as pow'ful as God." "N-n-o, not quite. But he's a young man yet."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COMPARISONS
A milliner endeavored to sell to a colored woman one of the last season's hats at a very moderate price. It was a big white picture-hat.
"Law, no, honey!" exclaimed the woman. "I could nevah wear that. I'd look jes' like a blueberry in a pan of milk."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A suburban train was slowly working its way through one of the blizzards of 1894. Finally it came to a dead stop and all efforts to start it again were futile.
In the wee, small hours of the morning a weary commuter, numb from the cold and the cramped position in which he had tried to sleep, crawled out of the train and floundered through the heavy snow-drifts to the nearest telegraph station. This is the message he handed to the operator:
"Will not be at office to-day. Not home yesterday yet."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COMMUTERS
BRIGGS—"Is it true that you have broken off your engagement to that girl who lives in the suburbs?"
GRIGGS—"Yes; they raised the commutation rates on me and I have transferred to a town girl."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
The president of the university had dark circles under his eyes. His cheek was pallid; his lips were trembling; he wore a hunted expression.
"You look ill," said his wife. "What is wrong, dear?"
"Nothing much," he replied. "But—I—I had a fearful dream last night, and I feel this morning as if I—as if I—" It was evident that his nervous system was shattered.
"What was the dream?" asked his wife.
"I—I—dreamed the trustees required that—that I should—that I should pass the freshman examination for—admission!" sighed the president.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы