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Кто хочет знать английский как англичанин, тот читает тут рассказы на настоящем королевском английском языке. В оригинале . Реклама @neznayca или по ссылке telega.in/c/one_story
Once, while Bishop Talbot, the giant "cowboy bishop," was attending a meeting of church dignitaries in St. Paul, a tramp accosted a group of churchmen in the hotel porch and asked for aid.
"No," one of them told him, "I'm afraid we can't help you. But you see that big man over there?" pointing to Bishop Talbot.
"Well, he's the youngest bishop of us all, and he's a very generous man. You might try him."
The tramp approached Bishop Talbot confidently. The others watched with interest. They saw a look of surprise come over the tramp's face. The bishop was talking eagerly. The tramp looked troubled. And then, finally, they saw something pass from one hand to the other. The tramp tried to slink past the group without speaking, but one of them called to him:
"Well, did you get something from our young brother?"
The tramp grinned sheepishly. "No," he admitted, "I gave him a dollar for his damned new cathedral at Laramie!"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Pat, thinking to enliven the party, stated, with watch in hand: "I'll presint a box of candy to the loidy that makes the homeliest face within the next three minutes."
The time expired, Pat announced: "Ah, Mrs. McGuire, you get the prize."
"But," protested Mrs. McGuire, "go way wid ye! I wasn't playin' at all."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Каналов с картинками много, а с хорошим текстом мало.
Историк и архитектор Анастасия ведет авторский канал SM_ART_HISTORY о культуре и истории Франции. 🇫🇷
Узнать факты из жизни Жанны д’Арк, пройтись по выставке Шагала, погулять по средневековому городу Ля Рошель ? Легко!
Берём кредит в Тиньке и закрываем его особой кредиткой Альфы по которой не начисляются никакие проценты.
Такая же схема есть с ипотекой. Пока одни смиренно смотрят на табло с курсом валют и неподъёмные кредиты, другие на этом зарабатывают. Например: покупают валюту дешевле официального курса, берут беспроцентные кредиты, получают по 80% кэшбека и почти бесплатно покупают на маркетплейсах.
На деле таких лайфхаков даже больше, чем вы можете представить (и постоянно появляются новые) — узнать о них можно на канале Беспощадный Банкстер. Канал ведут сами сотрудники банков, так что инсайдов там много и все они надежные.
Эти лазейки никогда не будут в открытом доступе, поэтому сохраните канал, их выкладывают только там: @bezposhady
A woman and her brother lived alone in the Scotch Highlands. She knitted gloves and garments to sell in the Lowland towns. Once when she was starting out to market her wares, her brother said he would go with her and take a dip in the ocean. While the woman was in the town selling her work, Sandy was sporting in the waves. When his sister came down to join him, however, he met her with a wry face. "Oh, Kirstie," he said, "I've lost me weskit." They hunted high and low, but finally as night settled down decided that the waves must have carried it out to sea.
The next year, at about the same season, the two again visited the town. And while Kirstie sold her wool in the town, Sandy splashed about in the brine. When Kirstie joined her brother she found him with a radiant face, and he cried out to her, "Oh, Kirstie, I've found me weskit. 'Twas under me shirt."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Newell Dwight Hillis, the now famous New York preacher and author, some years ago took charge of the First Presbyterian Church of Evanston, Illinois. Shortly after going there he required the services of a physician, and on the advice of one of his parishioners called in a doctor noted for his ability properly to emphasize a good story, but who attended church very rarely. He proved very satisfactory to the young preacher, but for some reason could not be induced to render a bill. Finally Dr. Hillis, becoming alarmed at the inroads the bill might make in his modest stipend, went to the physician and said, "See here, Doctor, I must know how much I owe you."
After some urging, the physician replied: "Well, I'll tell you what I'll do with you, Hillis. They say you're a pretty good preacher, and you seem to think I am a fair doctor, so I'll make this bargain with you. I'll do all I can to keep you out of heaven if you do all you can to keep me out of hell, and it won't cost either of us a cent. Is it a go?"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
During a financial panic, a German farmer went to a bank for some money. He was told that the bank was not paying out money, but was using cashier's checks. He could not understand this, and insisted on money.
The officers took him in hand, one after another, with little effect. At last the president tried his hand, and after long and minute explanation, some inkling of the situation seemed to be dawning on the farmer's mind. Much encouraged, the president said: "You understand now how it is, don't you, Mr.. Schmidt?"
"I t'ink I do," admitted Mr. Schmidt. "It's like dis, aindt it? Ven my baby vakes up at night and vants some milk, I gif him a milk ticket."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
United States Senator Ollie James, of Kentucky, is bald.
"Does being bald bother you much?" a candid friend asked him once.
"Yes, a little," answered the truthful James.
"I suppose you feel the cold severely in winter," went on the friend.
"No; it's not that so much," said the Senator. "The main bother is when I'm washing myself—unless I keep my hat on I don't know where my face stops."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
"What is the name of your automobile?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know? What do your folks call it?"
"Oh, as to that, father always says 'The Mortgage'; brother Tom calls it 'The Fake'; mother, 'My Limousine'; sister, 'Our Car'; grandma, 'That Peril'; the chauffeur, 'Some Freak,' and our neighbors, 'The Limit.'"—Life.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
At a London dinner recently the conversation turned to the various methods of working employed by literary geniuses. Among the examples cited was that of a well-known poet, who, it is said, was wont to arouse his wife about four o'clock in the morning and exclaim, "Maria, get up; I've thought of a good word!" Whereupon the poet's obedient helpmate would crawl out of bed and make a note of the thought-of word.
About an hour later, like as not, a new inspiration would seize the bard, whereupon he would again arouse his wife, saying, "Maria, Maria, get up! I've thought of a better word!"
The company in general listened to the story with admiration, but a merry-eyed American girl remarked: "Well, if he'd been my husband I should have replied, 'Alpheus, get up yourself; I've thought of a bad word!'"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
ATTENTION
The supervisor of a school was trying to prove that children are lacking in observation.
To the children he said, "Now, children, tell me a number to put on the board."
Some child said, "Thirty-six." The supervisor wrote sixty-three.
He asked for another number, and seventy-six was given. He wrote sixty-seven.
When a third number was asked, a child who apparently had paid no attention called out:
"Theventy-theven. Change that you thucker!"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Mark Twain at a dinner at the Authors' Club said: "Speaking of fresh eggs, I am reminded of the town of Squash. In my early lecturing days I went to Squash to lecture in Temperance Hall, arriving in the afternoon. The town seemed very poorly billed. I thought I'd find out if the people knew anything at all about what was in store for them.
So I turned in at the general store. 'Good afternoon, friend,' I said to the general storekeeper. 'Any entertainment here tonight to help a stranger while away his evening?' The general storekeeper, who was sorting mackerels, straightened up, wiped his briny hands on his apron, and said: 'I expect there's goin' to be a lecture. I've been sellin' eggs all day."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
The amateur artist was painting sunset, red with blue streaks and green dots.
The old rustic, at a respectful distance, was watching.
"Ah," said the artist looking up suddenly, "perhaps to you, too, Nature has opened her sky picture page by page! Have you seen the lambent flame of dawn leaping across the livid east; the red-stained, sulphurous islets floating in the lake of fire in the west; the ragged clouds at midnight, black as a raven's wing, blotting out the shuddering moon?"
"No," replied the rustic, "not since I give up drink."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
ARMIES
A new volunteer at a national guard encampment who had not quite learned his business, was on sentry duty, one night, when a friend brought a pie from the canteen.
As he sat on the grass eating pie, the major sauntered up in undress uniform. The sentry, not recognizing him, did not salute, and the major stopped and said:
"What's that you have there?"
"Pie," said the sentry, good-naturedly. "Apple pie. Have a bite?"
The major frowned.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No," said the sentry, "unless you're the major's groom."
The major shook his head.
"Guess again," he growled.
"The barber from the village?"
"No."
"Maybe"—here the sentry laughed—"maybe you're the major himself?"
"That's right. I am the major," was the stern reply.
The sentry scrambled to his feet.
"Good gracious!" he exclaimed. "Hold the pie, will you, while I present arms!"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
APPLAUSE
A certain theatrical troupe, after a dreary and unsuccessful tour, finally arrived in a small New Jersey town. That night, though there was no furore or general uprising of the audience, there was enough hand-clapping to arouse the troupe's dejected spirits. The leading man stepped to the foot-lights after the first act and bowed profoundly. Still the clapping continued.
When he went behind the scenes he saw an Irish stagehand laughing heartily. "Well, what do you think of that?" asked the actor, throwing out his chest.
"What d'ye mane?" replied the Irishman.
"Why, the hand-clapping out there," was the reply.
"Hand-clapping?"
"Yes," said the Thespian, "they are giving me enough applause to show they appreciate me."
"D'ye call thot applause?" inquired the old fellow. "Whoi, thot's not applause. Thot's the audience killin' mosquitoes."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Читать английскую литературу в оригинале... unreal?
🕰 На бумажные книги нет времени, воспринимать длинный текст в телефоне неудобно, да и английский у меня так себе...
Все эти проблемы решены в Twitter of J. Austen.
Чтение мини фрагментами, с аудиоверсией 🎧 и переводом на русский. Пленительная атмосфера той самой Великобритании 👒🎩, английский юмор as it is. В метро, в парке, 5 минут перед сном.
Уровень языка растет сам собой.
Let's Make Reading Great Again!
The senator and the major were walking up the avenue. The senator was more than middle-aged and considerably more than fat, and, dearly as the major loved him, he also loved his joke.
The senator turned with a pleased expression on his benign countenance and said, "Major, did you see that pretty girl smile at me?"
"Oh, that's nothing," replied his friend. "The first time I saw you I laughed out loud!"—Harper's Magazine.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
BAZARS
Once upon a time a deacon who did not favor church bazars was going along a dark street when a footpad suddenly appeared, and, pointing his pistol, began to relieve his victim of his money.
The thief, however, apparently suffered some pangs of remorse. "It's pretty rough to be gone through like this, ain't it, sir?" he inquired.
"Oh, that's all right, my man," the "held-up" one answered cheerfully. "I was on my way to a bazar. You're first, and there's an end of it."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
In one of the lesser Indian hill wars an English detachment took an Afghan prisoner. The Afghan was very dirty. Accordingly two privates were deputed to strip and wash him.
The privates dragged the man to a stream of running water, undressed him, plunged him in, and set upon him lustily with stiff brushes and large cakes of white soap.
After a long time one of the privates came back to make a report. He saluted his officer and said disconsolately:
"It's no use, sir. It's no use."
"No use?" said the officer. "What do you mean? Haven't you washed that Afghan yet?"
"It's no use, sir," the private repeated. "We've washed him for two hours, but it's no use."
"How do you mean it's no use?" said the officer angrily.
"Why, sir," said the private, "after rubbin' him and scrubbin' him till our arms ached I'll be hanged if we didn't come to another suit of clothes."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
The only unoccupied room in the hotel—one with a private bath in connection with it—was given to the stranger from Kansas. The next morning the clerk was approached by the guest when the latter was ready to check out.
"Well, did you have a good night's rest?" the clerk asked.
"No, I didn't," replied the Kansan. "The room was all right, and the bed was pretty good, but I couldn't sleep very much for I was afraid some one would want to take a bath, and the only door to it was through my room."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
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〰️ Турция — умерла. Делать там нечего.
〰️ Дубай — дорого. И обслуживание там ужасное.
〰️ Египет — на дне. Полная антисанитария.
Поэтому самый простой способ отдохнуть — остаться в России. Ведь только здесь есть сотни мест для отдыха по цене пачки макарон.
А чтобы узнавать про такие места — держите в подписках «Travel Russia».
Тут находят непопсовые локации, которые удивят любого туриста: для фоток, для прогулок, для отдыха и для тусовок.
Подписывайтесь — такие каналы на вес золота: «Travel Russia».
Johnnie Poe, one of the famous Princeton football family, and incidentally a great-nephew of Edgar Allan Poe, was a general in the army of Honduras in one of their recent wars. Finally, when things began to look black with peace and the American general discovered that his princely pay when translated into United States money was about sixty cents a day, he struck for the coast. There he found a United States warship and asked transportation home.
"Sure," the commander told him. "We'll be glad to have you. Come aboard whenever you like and bring your luggage."
"Thanks," said Poe warmly. "I'll sure do that. I only have fifty-four pieces."
"What!" exclaimed the commander. "What do you think I'm running? A freighter?"
"Oh, well, you needn't get excited about it," purred Poe. "My fifty-four pieces consist of one pair of socks and a pack of playing cards."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Ежедневный контент, практика лексики и грамматики, мемы - это и даже больше на канале "Croak! English". Здесь всем рады)
t.me/croakenglish
🇳🇴Норвегия — страна с богатой историей и культурой, которая привлекает туристов со всего мира.
🎼Здесь вы найдете уникальную этническую и народную музыку, а также увлекательные рассказы об истории Норвегии.
🎻Канал «Музыкальная история Норвегии» — это место, где вы сможете погрузиться в удивительный мир норвежских традиций и фольклора. Здесь вы узнаете о традиционных инструментах, песнях и танцах.
🌟Присоединяйтесь к каналу «Музыкальная история Норвегии» и погружайтесь в удивительный мир норвежской культуры!
🇳🇴Музыкальная история Норвегии🇳🇴
Секретные аудиокниги, которые вам не дадут спать! Узнайте, почему эти аудиокниги стали мировым феноменом.
Слушайте и погружайтесь в увлекательные истории, которые заставят ваше сердце биться быстрее.
Не упустите возможность ощутить головокружительный водоворот эмоций вместе с нами, подписывайтесь: @najimay
Какие секреты хранили писатели?
🌟Восхищаешься произведениями великих писателей и мечтаешь обладать таким же талантом!
✍️А знаете, что в жизни многие из великих писателей совершали поступки, которые точно не украсили бы их биографию?
💥 Будьте готовы узнать о скандалах в жизни писателей, о тайных любовных историях, которые вдохновили на произведения💔
Подписывайтесь на канал, чтобы быть в курсе
📖Библик | Литература
The friend had dropped in to see D'Auber, the great animal painter, put the finishing touches on his latest painting. He was mystified, however, when D'Auber took some raw meat and rubbed it vigorously over the painted rabbit in the foreground.
"Why on earth did you do that?" he asked.
"Why you see," explained D'Auber, "Mrs Millions is coming to see this picture today. When she sees her pet poodle smell that rabbit, and get excited over it, she'll buy it on the spot."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
ARITHMETIC
"Two old salts who had spent most of their lives on fishing smacks had an argument one day as to which was the better mathematician," said George C. Wiedenmayer the other day. "Finally the captain of their ship proposed the following problem which each would try to work out: 'If a fishing crew caught 500 pounds of cod and brought their catch to port and sold it at 6 cents a pound, how much would they receive for the fish?'
"Well, the two old fellows got to work, but neither seemed able to master the intricacies of the deal in fish, and they were unable to get any answer.
"At last old Bill turned to the captain and asked him to repeat the problem. The captain started off: 'If a fishing crew caught 500 pounds of cod and—.'
"'Wait a moment,' said Bill, 'is it codfish they caught?'
"'Yep,' said the captain.
"'Darn it all,' said Bill. 'No wonder I couldn't get an answer. Here I've been figuring on salmon all the time.'"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
ANCESTRY
A western buyer is inordinately proud of the fact that one of his ancestors affixed his name to the Declaration of Independence. At the time the salesman called, the buyer was signing a number of checks and affixed his signature with many a curve and flourish. The salesman's patience becoming exhausted in waiting for the buyer to recognize him, he finally observed:
"You have a fine signature, Mr. So-and-So."
"Yes," admitted the buyer, "I should have. One of my forefathers signed the Declaration of Independence."
"So?" said the caller, with rising inflection. And then he added:
"Vell, you aind't got nottings on me. One of my forefathers signed the Ten Commandments."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы