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Кто хочет знать английский как англичанин, тот читает тут рассказы на настоящем королевском английском языке. В оригинале . Реклама @neznayca или по ссылке telega.in/c/one_story
CHILDREN
Two weary parents once advertised:
"WANTED, AT ONCE—Two fluent and well-learned persons, male or female, to answer the questions of a little girl of three and a boy of four; each to take four hours per day and rest the parents of said children."
Another couple advertised:
"WANTED: A governess who is good stenographer, to take down the clever sayings of our child."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Кому Вы обязаны уступить дорогу при повороте налево?
1. Только автобусу
2. Только легковому автомобилю
3. Никому
Здесь собираю лучшие акварельные работы современных художников. Воздушная, текучая,непредсказуемая, нежная и сочная акварель. Подписывайся и вдохновляйся!
/channel/akvarelinspo
Если у вас есть карта Сбера, Тинькофф или Альфа-банка — держите совет: используйте их правильно. Ведь любая из этих карт может приносить минимум 70 000 рублей, а не просто лежать в кармане.
Сами посмотрите:
— Альфа ПОГАСИТ ваш кредит в любом банке абсолютно бесплатно
— Сбер ОПЛАТИТ вам любые покупки с 40% скидками
— Тинькофф ЗАПЛАТИТ до 20 000 рублей за открытие счёта
И таких фишек у банков — сотни. А чтобы узнавать про них — подписывайтесь на Беспощадного Банкстера.
Там рассказывают, какие карты надо открыть, чтобы получить 45 000 рублей, как получить 40% кэшбек с любой покупки и как убрать все проценты и комиссии.
Подписывайтесь, потом сами себе спасибо скажете: Беспощадный Банкстер.
A good Samaritan, passing an apartment house in the small hours of the morning, noticed a man leaning limply against the doorway.
"What's the matter?" he asked, "Drunk?"
"Yep."
"Do you live in this house?"
"Yep."
"Do you want me to help you upstairs?"
"Yep."
With much difficulty he half dragged, half carried the drooping figure up the stairway to the second floor.
"What floor do you live on?" he asked. "Is this it?"
"Yep."
Rather than face an irate wife who might, perhaps, take him for a companion more at fault than her spouse, he opened the first door he came to and pushed the limp figure in.
The good Samaritan groped his way downstairs again. As he was passing through the vestibule he was able to make out the dim outlines of another man, apparently in worse condition than the first one.
"What's the matter?" he asked. "Are you drunk, too?"
"Yep," was the feeble reply.
"Do you live in this house, too?"
"Yep."
"Shall I help you upstairs?"
"Yep."
The good Samaritan pushed, pulled, and carried him to the second floor, where this man also said he lived. He opened the same door and pushed him in.
As he reached the front door he discerned the shadow of a third man, evidently worse off than either of the other two. He was about to approach him when the object of his solicitude lurched out into the street and threw himself into the arms of a passing policeman.
"For Heaven's sake, off'cer," he gasped, "protect me from that man. He's done nothin' all night long but carry me upstairs 'n throw me down th' elevator shaf."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
⚡️ Жить в Москве и Питере дешевле, чем даже в Сыктывкаре
Халявы полно: можно бесплатно посетить любой концерт или музей, ездить на такси за 1₽ и есть в ресторанах за половину стоимости.
Сохраняйте крутые каналы про столицы, админы которых выискивают способы БЕСПЛАТНО и весело провести время:
🌇 Москва
🏙 Питер
Внутри: промокоды на бесплатное такси, ТОП-5 новых городских пространств, непопсовые выставки и акции.
Подписывайтесь, других таких каналов просто нет:
🌇 Москва
🏙 Питер
BLUNDERS
An early morning customer in an optician's shop was a young woman with a determined air. She addressed the first salesman she saw. "I want to look at a pair of eyeglasses, sir, of extra magnifying power."
"Yes, ma'am," replied the salesman; "something very strong?"
"Yes, sir. While visiting in the country I made a very painful blunder which I never want to repeat."
"Indeed! Mistook a stranger for an acquaintance?"
"No, not exactly that; I mistook a bumblebee for a black-berry."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Farmer Gray kept summer boarders. One of these, a schoolteacher, hired him to drive her to the various points of interest around the country. He pointed out this one and that, at the same time giving such items of information as he possessed.
The school-teacher, pursing her lips, remarked, "It will not be necessary for you to talk."
When her bill was presented, there was a five-dollar charge marked "Extra."
"What is this?" she asked, pointing to the item.
"That," replied the farmer, "is for sass. I don't often take it, but when I do I charge for it."—E. Egbert.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
BIBLE INTERPRETATION
"Mr. Preacher," said a white man to a colored minister who was addressing his congregation, "you are talking about Cain, and you say he got married in the land of Nod, after he killed Abel. But the Bible mentions only Adam and Eve as being on earth at that time. Who, then, did Cain marry?"
The colored preacher snorted with unfeigned contempt. "Huh!" he said, "you hear dat, brederen an' sisters? You hear dat fool question I am axed? Cain, he went to de land o' Nod just as de Good Book tells us, an' in de land o' Nod Cain gits so lazy an' so shif'less dat he up an' marries a gal o' one o' dem no' count pore white trash families dat de inspired apostle didn't consider fittin' to mention in de Holy Word."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Once, while Bishop Talbot, the giant "cowboy bishop," was attending a meeting of church dignitaries in St. Paul, a tramp accosted a group of churchmen in the hotel porch and asked for aid.
"No," one of them told him, "I'm afraid we can't help you. But you see that big man over there?" pointing to Bishop Talbot.
"Well, he's the youngest bishop of us all, and he's a very generous man. You might try him."
The tramp approached Bishop Talbot confidently. The others watched with interest. They saw a look of surprise come over the tramp's face. The bishop was talking eagerly. The tramp looked troubled. And then, finally, they saw something pass from one hand to the other. The tramp tried to slink past the group without speaking, but one of them called to him:
"Well, did you get something from our young brother?"
The tramp grinned sheepishly. "No," he admitted, "I gave him a dollar for his damned new cathedral at Laramie!"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Pat, thinking to enliven the party, stated, with watch in hand: "I'll presint a box of candy to the loidy that makes the homeliest face within the next three minutes."
The time expired, Pat announced: "Ah, Mrs. McGuire, you get the prize."
"But," protested Mrs. McGuire, "go way wid ye! I wasn't playin' at all."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Каналов с картинками много, а с хорошим текстом мало.
Историк и архитектор Анастасия ведет авторский канал SM_ART_HISTORY о культуре и истории Франции. 🇫🇷
Узнать факты из жизни Жанны д’Арк, пройтись по выставке Шагала, погулять по средневековому городу Ля Рошель ? Легко!
Берём кредит в Тиньке и закрываем его особой кредиткой Альфы по которой не начисляются никакие проценты.
Такая же схема есть с ипотекой. Пока одни смиренно смотрят на табло с курсом валют и неподъёмные кредиты, другие на этом зарабатывают. Например: покупают валюту дешевле официального курса, берут беспроцентные кредиты, получают по 80% кэшбека и почти бесплатно покупают на маркетплейсах.
На деле таких лайфхаков даже больше, чем вы можете представить (и постоянно появляются новые) — узнать о них можно на канале Беспощадный Банкстер. Канал ведут сами сотрудники банков, так что инсайдов там много и все они надежные.
Эти лазейки никогда не будут в открытом доступе, поэтому сохраните канал, их выкладывают только там: @bezposhady
A woman and her brother lived alone in the Scotch Highlands. She knitted gloves and garments to sell in the Lowland towns. Once when she was starting out to market her wares, her brother said he would go with her and take a dip in the ocean. While the woman was in the town selling her work, Sandy was sporting in the waves. When his sister came down to join him, however, he met her with a wry face. "Oh, Kirstie," he said, "I've lost me weskit." They hunted high and low, but finally as night settled down decided that the waves must have carried it out to sea.
The next year, at about the same season, the two again visited the town. And while Kirstie sold her wool in the town, Sandy splashed about in the brine. When Kirstie joined her brother she found him with a radiant face, and he cried out to her, "Oh, Kirstie, I've found me weskit. 'Twas under me shirt."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Newell Dwight Hillis, the now famous New York preacher and author, some years ago took charge of the First Presbyterian Church of Evanston, Illinois. Shortly after going there he required the services of a physician, and on the advice of one of his parishioners called in a doctor noted for his ability properly to emphasize a good story, but who attended church very rarely. He proved very satisfactory to the young preacher, but for some reason could not be induced to render a bill. Finally Dr. Hillis, becoming alarmed at the inroads the bill might make in his modest stipend, went to the physician and said, "See here, Doctor, I must know how much I owe you."
After some urging, the physician replied: "Well, I'll tell you what I'll do with you, Hillis. They say you're a pretty good preacher, and you seem to think I am a fair doctor, so I'll make this bargain with you. I'll do all I can to keep you out of heaven if you do all you can to keep me out of hell, and it won't cost either of us a cent. Is it a go?"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A colored parson, calling upon one of his flock, found the object of his visit out in the back yard working among his hen-coops. He noticed with surprise that there were no chickens.
"Why, Brudder Brown," he asked, "whar'r all yo' chickens?"
"Huh," grunted Brother Brown without looking up, "some fool niggah lef de do' open an' dey all went home."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A southerner, hearing a great commotion in his chicken-house one dark night, took his revolver and went to investigate.
"Who's there?" he sternly demanded, opening the door.
No answer.
"Who's there? Answer, or I'll shoot!"
A trembling voice from the farthest corner:
"'Deed, sah, dey ain't nobody hyah ceptin' us chickens."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
BOOKS AND READING
LADY PRESIDENT—"What book has helped you most?"
NEW MEMBER—"My husband's check-book."—Martha Young.
___
There are three classes of bookbuyers: Collectors, women and readers.
___
The owner of a large library solemnly warned a friend against the practice of lending books. To punctuate his advice he showed his friend the well-stocked shelves. "There!" said he. "Every one of those books was lent me."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Two men were boasting about their rich kin. Said one:
"My father has a big farm in Connecticut. It is so big that when he goes to the barn on Monday morning to milk the cows he kisses us all good-by, and he doesn't get back till the following Saturday."
"Why does it take him so long?" the other man asked.
"Because the barn is so far away from the house."
"Well, that may be a pretty big farm, but compared to my father's farm in Pennsylvania your father's farm ain't no bigger than a city lot!"
"Why, how big is your father's farm?"
"Well, it's so big that my father sends young married couples out to the barn to milk the cows, and the milk is brought back by their grandchildren."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Telephone girls sometimes glory in their mistakes if there is a joke in consequence. The story is told by a telephone operator in one of the Boston exchanges about a man who asked her for the number of a local theater.
He got the wrong number and, without asking to whom he was talking, he said, "Can I get a box for two to-night?"
A startled voice answered him at the other end of the line, "We don't have boxes for two."
"Isn't this the —— Theater?" he called crossly.
"Why, no," was the answer, "this is an undertaking shop."
He canceled his order for a "box for two."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
The ship doctor of an English liner notified the death watch steward, an Irishman, that a man had died in stateroom 45. The usual instructions to bury the body were given. Some hours later the doctor peeked into the room and found that the body was still there. He called the Irishman's attention to the matter and the latter replied:
"I thought you said room 46. I wint to that room and noticed wan of thim in a bunk. 'Are ye dead?' says I. 'No,' says he, 'but I'm pretty near dead.'
"So I buried him."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
@popsmarketing – это сборник олдскульных рекламных кейсов, чтобы поностальгировать над креативами прошлых лет.
Креатив, от которого олдскулы сведёт: /channel/popsmarketing
Любите читать в оригинале?
Тогда вы, наверняка, хоть раз задавались вопросом о том, что делать с новой лексикой, которая попадается в книге. Проверять каждое слово? Потом выписывать его и зубрить? Но так ведь одну книгу можно читать целую вечность!
Алёна уже пятый год читает по 50-60 книг на английском в год и делится всеми своими секретами в подкастах о чтении в оригинале. В первом подкасте как раз подробно рассказано:
📌как прийти к своей норме в 60 книг на английском в год;
📌 почему классика не всегда самый лучший выбор для чтения в оригинале;
📌 в чем отличие между учебными и художественными текстами;
📌 как работать с новой лексикой из книг;
📌 как такой метод работы с лексикой поможет вам развить языковые навыки.
Чтобы получить доступ к подкасту:
✔️ Подписывайтесь на канал Алёны;
✔️ Слушайте подкаст ‘Мои стратегии чтения в оригинале’
The officers' mess was discussing rifle shooting.
"I'll bet anyone here," said one young lieutenant, "that I can fire twenty shots at two hundred yards and call each shot correctly without waiting for the marker. I'll stake a box of cigars that I can."
"Done!" cried a major.
The whole mess was on hand early next morning to see the experiment tried.
The lieutenant fired.
"Miss," he calmly announced.
A second shot.
"Miss," he repeated.
A third shot.
"Miss."
"Here, there! Hold on!" protested the major. "What are you trying to do? You're not shooting for the target at all."
"Of course not," admitted the lieutenant. "I'm firing for those cigars." And he got them.
Two old cronies went into a drug store in the downtown part of New York City, and, addressing the proprietor by his first name, one of them said:
"Dr. Charley, we have made a bet of the ice-cream sodas. We will have them now and when the bet is decided the loser will drop in and pay for them."
As the two old fellows were departing after enjoying their temperance beverage, the druggist asked them what the wager was.
"Well," said one of them, "our friend George bets that when the tower of the Singer Building falls, it will topple over toward the North River, and I bet that it won't."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Читать английскую литературу в оригинале... unreal?
🕰 На бумажные книги нет времени, воспринимать длинный текст в телефоне неудобно, да и английский у меня так себе...
Все эти проблемы решены в Twitter of J. Austen.
Чтение мини фрагментами, с аудиоверсией 🎧 и переводом на русский. Пленительная атмосфера той самой Великобритании 👒🎩, английский юмор as it is. В метро, в парке, 5 минут перед сном.
Уровень языка растет сам собой.
Let's Make Reading Great Again!
The senator and the major were walking up the avenue. The senator was more than middle-aged and considerably more than fat, and, dearly as the major loved him, he also loved his joke.
The senator turned with a pleased expression on his benign countenance and said, "Major, did you see that pretty girl smile at me?"
"Oh, that's nothing," replied his friend. "The first time I saw you I laughed out loud!"—Harper's Magazine.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
BAZARS
Once upon a time a deacon who did not favor church bazars was going along a dark street when a footpad suddenly appeared, and, pointing his pistol, began to relieve his victim of his money.
The thief, however, apparently suffered some pangs of remorse. "It's pretty rough to be gone through like this, ain't it, sir?" he inquired.
"Oh, that's all right, my man," the "held-up" one answered cheerfully. "I was on my way to a bazar. You're first, and there's an end of it."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
In one of the lesser Indian hill wars an English detachment took an Afghan prisoner. The Afghan was very dirty. Accordingly two privates were deputed to strip and wash him.
The privates dragged the man to a stream of running water, undressed him, plunged him in, and set upon him lustily with stiff brushes and large cakes of white soap.
After a long time one of the privates came back to make a report. He saluted his officer and said disconsolately:
"It's no use, sir. It's no use."
"No use?" said the officer. "What do you mean? Haven't you washed that Afghan yet?"
"It's no use, sir," the private repeated. "We've washed him for two hours, but it's no use."
"How do you mean it's no use?" said the officer angrily.
"Why, sir," said the private, "after rubbin' him and scrubbin' him till our arms ached I'll be hanged if we didn't come to another suit of clothes."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
The only unoccupied room in the hotel—one with a private bath in connection with it—was given to the stranger from Kansas. The next morning the clerk was approached by the guest when the latter was ready to check out.
"Well, did you have a good night's rest?" the clerk asked.
"No, I didn't," replied the Kansan. "The room was all right, and the bed was pretty good, but I couldn't sleep very much for I was afraid some one would want to take a bath, and the only door to it was through my room."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
А вы знали, что игре на фортепиано, гитаре,
а также вокалу, сольфеджио можно научиться онлайн?
Да! Музыкальной онлайн-школе onlinepiano.me уже 3 года!
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Обучение проходит в формате индивидуальных уроков по Skype или Zoom продолжительностью 30-50 мин.
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Хотите попробовать?
Записаться на пробное занятие можно по телефону :
+7 987 519-37-77 (Администратор Юлия)
🎹 Фортепиано https://onlinepiano.me/
🎤Вокал https://onlinepiano.me/vocal_lessons
🎸 Гитара/укулеле https://artriver.me/
✨Сольфеджио: https://onlinepiano.me/solfeggio_lessons