Funtiply ™

24 October 2023 21:46

@funtiply😂

Funtiply ™

26 January 2018 03:23

Oh yeah, that's the problem...

Funtiply ™

25 January 2018 05:45

My girlfriend said that she doesn't need a man for anything.

When she went to bed, I sneaked into the kitchen and tightened every jar and bottle in the cupboard.

#writtenshit #humortales

Funtiply ™

20 January 2018 17:19

I learn from the mistakes made by people who took my advice.

#writtenshit #humortales

Funtiply ™

19 January 2018 05:30

Trump trumping Trump's own trump.

Funtiply ™

18 January 2018 04:09

And the one from 2010 too

Funtiply ™

17 January 2018 03:23

As a matter of fact, yeah...

Funtiply ™

15 January 2018 04:55

My girlfriend screamed, "You've got no feelings," and stormed out the house.

She's been gone a while now and I've been thinking about what she said.

She's wrong, I feel hungry.

#writtenshit #humortales

Funtiply ™

14 January 2018 11:04

Drugs and alcohol are never the answer.

Unless someone asks me "What are you doing this weekend?"

#writtenshit #humortales

Funtiply ™

11 January 2018 15:20

Always, I mean, always check your child's homework...

Funtiply ™

10 January 2018 06:48

Math Quiz.

If peter goes to the shop and buys 3 tasty red apples

And on his way home he bumps into Leroy who has no apples

How long will it take Peter to bleed to death after he has been beaten, mugged and stabbed?

#writtenshit #humortales

Funtiply ™

09 January 2018 07:41

Where does Darth Vader buy his shoes?

At the Darth Maul

#writtenshit #puncity #wordplay

Funtiply ™

09 January 2018 06:09

I went into the local chemist and said to the assistant "Could I have a dozen condoms please miss"?
She said "Don't you miss me"
I said "OK, better make it thirteen then"


I'll get me coat

#writtenshit #humortales

Funtiply ™

08 January 2018 06:21

I want to believe this

Funtiply ™

07 January 2018 19:31

What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms?

HeHe

#writtenshit #puncity #wordplay

Funtiply ™

26 January 2018 03:25

After deciding we were going to get divorced, my wife said she'd be happy if we split everything straight down the middle...

Yet, she cried like a baby when I handed her, her half of the cat.

#writtenshit #humortales

Funtiply ™

26 January 2018 03:23

You never thought of that...

Funtiply ™

23 January 2018 05:07

My wife recently gave birth.

The doctor came out of the delivery room and said "Congratulations Mr Thompson, you're the father of four strapping boys"

"Four?" I replied "That doesn't surprise me, i've got a dick like a chimney"

"Well you want to get it swept" He said "They're all black"


#writtenshit #humortales

Funtiply ™

20 January 2018 16:20

Donald Trump has denied being racist.

In an interview with CNN he said "How can I be racist when over 30% of my Whitehouse staff are jigaboos and spics?"

#writtenshit #humortales

Funtiply ™

19 January 2018 05:30

If you follow Drake and Josh...

Funtiply ™

17 January 2018 03:24

Mountains aren't just funny, they're hill areas.

#writtenshit #puncity #wordplay

Funtiply ™

16 January 2018 04:28

Two Irishman went down for a disability pension, they were pretending to be deaf, in order to get disability money from the government.
The next day they have to go to the hearing centre for their test, The first Irishman walks into the office, the man sat at his desk said “Hello, come in, shut the door behind you”
He shut the door and went to take a seat. The man said “Get out, you ain’t deaf, I just asked you to shut the door behind you and you shut it, you can hear perfectly fine, out get out!”
On his way out he says to the second one in the waiting room “Now whatever you do, don’t shut that door, he’s trying to trick you”
So the second one walked in, the man said “Shut the door behind you”
He said “Shut it your fucking self!”

#writtenshit #humortales

Funtiply ™

14 January 2018 14:37

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Funtiply ™

12 January 2018 06:59

Irony is being put on trial for killing a homosexual but then swearing on a bible which tells you to kill gays (Leviticus 20:13)

#writtenshit #humortales #irony

Funtiply ™

10 January 2018 19:28

3rd one really helps!

Funtiply ™

10 January 2018 06:41

We've a sociopath here.

Funtiply ™

09 January 2018 07:41

How do you cut the ocean in half?

Use a sea saw

#writtenshit #puncity #wordplay

Funtiply ™

08 January 2018 06:21

What's happening right now. Everywhere.

Funtiply ™

07 January 2018 19:32

I've just written a song about tortillas.

Actually, it's more of a rap.

#writtenshit #puncity #wordplay

Funtiply ™

07 January 2018 04:38

A married couple are driving along when they see a wounded baby skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the wife gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car.
She says, "Look, it's shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?"
Her husband replies "Put it between your legs to keep it warm."
She asks, "What about the smell?"
He says, "Hold its nose."

#writtenshit #humortales