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Stay excited about your relationship
“Always be enraptured with her [or his] love.” Pr 5:19 NKJV
When you first met your husband or wife and fell in love, you thought about them day and night. You couldn’t wait to be together; you hung on every word they spoke. The relationship was stimulating and exciting because you engaged each other’s minds, excited each other’s emotions, and ignited each other’s imagination on a wide range of life’s topics. But numerous marriages don’t survive because they die of boredom. One partner gets involved in an affair, or the other becomes addicted to porn or some other deviant behavior because they’re bored in the relationship. That’s not an excuse for wrongdoing, but boredom functions like low-grade poison; it takes an unavoidable toll on each of you. The secret to a good marriage lies in finding ways to keep improving yourself, then bringing that to the table of your relationship. Learn something new about your husband’s career field. Care about the details of your wife’s day. Have a shared dream you’re working toward and talk about it. When you’re engaged in another person’s life, you fortify their desire to share more about their day and themselves. And here is something else to keep in mind: It’s important for you to have a life outside of the person you’re interested in. Partners who want to grow together realize they must encourage each other to nurture friendships, hobbies, and interests independently. Exciting people excite each other! They understand how to develop their own lives without disregarding the shared life they have together. That’s what the Bible means when it says, “Always be enraptured with her [or his] love.”
Handling temptation (3)
“Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.” Mt 6:13 NIV
In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus taught us to pray, “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.” Understand this: Satan is always trying to lead you into temptation, whereas the Holy Spirit who lives within you is always trying to deliver you from temptation. It is informative that while the Devil is named the tempter, he is also named the accuser. “For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down” (Rev 12:10 NIV). There is no such thing as fair play with the Devil. As soon as he gets you to give in to temptation, he will switch hats and try to convince you that because you have yielded to it, you’re beyond God’s grace and redemption. But Satan is a liar, and there is no truth in him. It’s only when you deny your sin and reject God’s mercy that you’re beyond redemption. The Bible says: “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1Jn 1:8-9 NIV). Some people are delivered from temptation instantly; others battle it for a long time before finding deliverance and victory. It’s never a matter of God’s unwillingness to extend grace to us but of our inability to receive it. So whether you come the easy way or the hard way, as long as your desire is to come to God, “He will also provide a way out” (1Co 10:13 NIV).
Handling temptation (1)
“When you are tempted, he will also provide a way out.” 1Co 10:13 NIV
Jesus said, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers” (Lk 10:30 NIV). Jerusalem represented the place of God’s favor, whereas Jericho was cursed by Joshua when God leveled its walls (See Jos 6:26). The road connecting the two cities was teeming with robbers, so was this man’s intention to travel part of the way, then get off? The Bible doesn’t say, but one thing we do know is God goes to great lengths to keep us from going down the road to temptation and getting hurt. And even with all His safeguards in place, we still manage to get into trouble. First, you stop listening to the promptings of His Spirit. Second, you’re unwilling to pray about certain desires with a submitted heart. Third, you’re not interested in talking to a trusted friend who will hold you accountable. Fourth, you don’t want to know what the Bible says about the matter. You have unilaterally decided to quench the Spirit so you can indulge your fleshly impulses. Remember, there is always free food on the end of a fishhook, but while temptation promises freedom, it ends up costing you. David’s affair wrecked his family. Real freedom isn’t about having the liberty to gratify your every appetite; it’s about refusing to become a slave to unhealthy desires. The battle against temptation is noble, but if all you do is struggle to repress your desires, eventually they will wear you down. You need to maintain a clear mental image of the kind of person God wants you to be and cooperate with His Spirit to become that person.
“Fix” your mind and change your life
“Think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].” Php 4:8 AMPC
Paul writes: “Whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]” (v. 8 AMPC). If you are serious about wanting a better life, you must change the way you think. The best way to stop thinking about something is simply to think about something else. When you don’t enjoy a certain TV program, what do you do? Switch channels! Does the channel you don’t like no longer exist? No, it’s there anytime you choose to switch back to it. Likewise, when you find yourself stuck in a repeated thought pattern that’s detrimental to you—one that plays like a broken record in your mind—take action. Refuse to loan your mind to the Devil for his scheme. The only place a thought can live is in your mind. The only power a thought has over you is the power you give it. God says, “I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life” (Dt 30:19). God gives you the options, but He won’t exercise them for you. Choosing the right thought is like flipping a light switch; it dispels darkness and illuminates the room. Your most dominant thoughts will control your life, so make sure they line up with God’s Word. Today “fix” your mind and change your life.
Commit to the relationship (4)
“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” Am 3:3 NKJV
Benjamin Franklin’s formula for a happy marriage was this: “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” One of the reasons marriages end in divorce is because we see only what we want to see. And if we saw obvious faults that could destroy the relationship, we allowed our heart to overrule our head and thought, “He or she will change after I marry them.” What you turn a blind eye to today, you forfeit the right to complain about tomorrow. So if you’re wise, you will do these two things before you make the decision to marry someone: (1) Discuss openly what you will and will not accept in your relationship. These things are called “deal breakers.” Things like abuse, infidelity, alcohol and drug abuse, anger and moodiness, and buying stuff you can’t afford. If you think breaking up with someone now is painful, wait until you’re married with children, and mortgages and families are involved! The Bible says, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (2) If there are no deal-breaking concerns, but you basically fear the unknown, use your faith in God to bridge the gap between your doubts and the peace you wish for. Don’t invent reasons not to commit. Stop nit-picking every flaw in the other person. The Bible says, “His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor…Prince of Peace” (Isa 9:6 NKJV). Pray together and give the “Wonderful, Counselor” a chance to guide you in your relationship choice. God instituted marriage; when you do it His way, you can enter the highest halls of human happiness.
Commit to the relationship (2)
“The two shall become one.” Mt 19:5 NKJV
The word commit means “to bind, or obligate, or pledge.” And for some of us, it evokes pictures of servitude, restraints, and the loss of our freedom. In other words, it frightens us. Today as women become more economically empowered, some of them have also become more reluctant to commit to a relationship in which the Bible says the husband is called to be a leader in the home (See Eph 5:22-24). But it’s typically the man, however, who desires to keep the relationship fluid and flexible so he can use his stay-or-leave option whenever he wants. The partner desiring the commitment finds such a relationship frustrating and unfulfilling. So, what should you do if you’re reluctant to commit to the relationship? Two things: (1) Be honest with yourself about your fears, feelings, and motivations. David said, “You desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom” (Ps 51:6 NKJV). Notice, wisdom comes from being honest about what is going on inside you. What are your memories of your parents’ marriage and how it affected you? Have you observed similar patterns of behavior on your own part or that of your potential mate when it comes to dealing with relationships? (2) Admit the role you may have played, even as an enabler of poor behavior, in the collapse of a former relationship. Have you changed now? Are you willing to? If so, then here is God’s promise to you of a better future: “Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing” (Isa 43:18-19 NKJV).
God has not forsaken you
“You will deny Me three times.” Lk 22:61 NKJV
The Bible says, “Peter remembered the word of the Lord…‘Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.’ So Peter went out and wept bitterly” (vv. 61-62 NKJV). What is it that saves us? Our good works? No, it’s our faith in Christ. “By grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast” (Eph 2:8-9). Now you understand the words of Christ to Peter: “I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail” (Lk 22:32 NKJV). When you have faith in Christ, you can bounce back. When it comes to God’s grace, there is no statute of limitations. Peter denied Jesus not once but repeatedly. Perhaps that’s your story too! This wasn’t a moment that Peter would be proud of but an experience he would grow stronger as a result of. When someone fails badly, we say that they “crash and burn.” And when something is burned, all that’s left is ashes. But we serve a God of restoration who gives “beauty for ashes” (See Isa 61:3). If you had seen Peter swearing that he didn’t know the Lord, would you have picked him to be your pastor? God did. He made him the head of the New Testament church. We tell people, “Don’t get into messes” and “Don’t sin.” And that’s good advice—God doesn’t want us sinning. But we should really say, “Don’t walk headfirst into sin when you know better. But when you fail, as you surely will, turn to God and He will restore you and use your failure to strengthen you.”
Growing older with grace (1)
“If you respect the Lord, you will live longer.” Pr 10:27 CEV
Does the thought of aging make you anxious? If so, it’s time to re-examine your value system. With God, the contents are more important than the package. And in order to make peace with your wrinkles, you must come into agreement with Him. Ultimately, it’s not the number of days in your life that count but the quality of life in your days. Jesus’ first miracle was turning water into wine. Note what the host of the wedding reception said: “Everyone brings out the choice wine first…but you have saved the best till now” (Jn 2:10 NIV). And that can be the story of your life too. You don’t have to suffer from gerascophobia, the fear of aging. Keep fighting, keep growing, keep moving forward. Listen to the words of Caleb: “For my part, I wholeheartedly followed the Lord my God…Moses solemnly promised me, ‘The land of Canaan on which you were just walking will be your grant of land and that of your descendants forever’…Now, as you can see, the Lord has kept me alive and well as he promised for all these forty-five years since Moses made this promise—even while Israel wandered in the wilderness. Today I am eighty-five years old. I am as strong now as I was when Moses sent me on that journey, and I can still travel and fight as well as I could then. So give me the hill country that the Lord promised me…So Joshua blessed Caleb…and gave Hebron to him as his portion of land” (Jos 14:8-13 NLT). That’s called “growing older with grace.”
You belong to God
“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!” Ps 139:14 NLT
Do you remember the old TV series The Six Million Dollar Man? He was built and equipped with nuclear-powered bionic limbs and implants. Well, he has nothing on you! You’re unique…one of a kind…a genuine marvel of God’s creative genius. For example, your tongue; four hundred little taste buds, each one capable of discerning the difference between asparagus and lemon meringue pie. And how about your intestinal system? Twenty million little mouths capable of digesting almost anything. Then, there is your cooling system. Frigidaire has nothing like it; three hundred fifty thousand sweat glands per square inch. And how about your sensory system? A network of ten million nerves, the branches of which send and interpret messages and also formulate a response for each. You’re one in seven billion! Nobody else has your voice pattern, fingerprints, or DNA. When you were born, God didn’t stop and say, “What are we going to do with this one?” No, you were given your Father’s name (See Isa 43:1). You were bought with a price (See 1Co 6:20). You were made a member of His redeemed family (See 1Jn 3:2). Your steps are ordered by him (See Ps 37:23). He has already planned your success (See Jer 29:11). He loved you when you were unlovable and chose you before you could do either right or wrong. Doesn’t that give Him the right to say, “I want your praise and obedience, I want you to spend time with Me, I want you to read the letters I’ve written to you, and I don’t want anybody or anything to come between us”? The word for you today is—you belong to God!
Don’t quarrel about it
“Stop before a dispute breaks out.” Pr 17:14 NLT
Have you seen the bumper sticker that reads, “People who think they know it all are especially annoying to those of us who do?” You will find know-it-alls everywhere. Older people afraid of uselessness struggle to prove they still have some superior amount of knowledge. Religious people use their convictions like a club to beat others over the head. The Bible says, “Earnestly contend for the faith” (Jude v. 3). But there is a difference between contending and being contentious. Paul writes: “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful” (2Ti 2:23-24 NIV). Note these four phrases: (1) “Must not be quarrelsome.” Don’t argue, just plant the seeds of God’s Word and trust the Holy Spirit to work in people’s hearts. (2) “Be kind to everyone.” There is no need to be hostile, demeaning, or disagreeable with someone who doesn’t share your viewpoint. What’s driving you toward such unkindness? Must you prove people mistaken to validate your self-worth? (3) “Able to teach.” Instead of trying to force your opinions on someone, simply say, “Here is what I have discovered in God’s Word, and here is the difference it has made in my life.” Your experience is never at the mercy of someone else’s argument. (4) “Not resentful.” Only when your own hurts have been healed can God use you to heal the hurts of others. So, pray: “Father, make me an instrument of peace so that people will be open to the truths you reveal to them through me. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.”
They will come back to it
“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.” Pr 22:6 NLT
When your child begins to toddle and talk, plant God’s Word deep in their heart. That doesn’t guarantee they won’t go astray. Many of us got it wrong before we finally got it right. Just make sure they know where “the right path” is. Picture a salmon being spawned in a hatchery in Northern California, released into a channel which leads to a creek, the creek to a river, and the river to the Pacific Ocean. The salmon swims for thousands of miles. Then, as if by command, it begins the long journey back to its place of spawning. And it not only locates the spot where it entered the ocean, but the river, the creek, and the exact inlet from which it had been released. In one documented story, a salmon worked its way up through a drain and pushed through a hefty, screened lid atop a three-foot vertical pipe, and ended up in the same tank where it was hatched. Unique markings on its fin confirmed this. “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.” That Scripture means, give your children a taste of the things of God when they’re young, and when they grow older, the world won’t satisfy their taste and they will return to their spiritual roots. Faithfully do your part, and trust God to do His. Your part now is to instruct, love, and pray for them. God’s part is to draw them back. And He will, for He loves them even more than you do!
The bottom line on money
“There is one who makes himself rich, yet has nothing.” Pr 13:7 NKJV
The Bible says, “There is one who makes himself rich, yet has nothing; and one who makes himself poor, yet has great riches” (v. 7 NKJV). It’s a blessing to have the things money can buy, as long as you don’t lose sight of the things it can’t buy. Money can buy whatever is for sale. But the greatest things in life, like your health and your relationships, can’t be bought because they’re not for sale. You could sum up much of what the Bible has to say about money with these three bottom-line statements: (1) What you are is more crucial than what you have. “Better is the poor who walks in his integrity than one perverse in his ways, though he be rich” (Pr 28:6 NKJV). (2) What God sees in you is more crucial than what you have. “Better is a little with the fear of the Lord, than great treasure with trouble” (Pr 15:16 NKJV). (3) What others think of you is more crucial than what you have. “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, loving favor rather than silver and gold” (Pr 22:1 NKJV). Don’t worry about “keeping up with the Joneses.” The Joneses might be one step from bankruptcy or the divorce court. Furthermore, if you did catch up with the Joneses, they would just refinance. The truth is, you will never be happy with what you have until you learn to be happy with what others have—that you don’t have. The Bible tells us covetousness is a sin. And covetousness is simply failing to enjoy what God has given you!
Start ‘meditating’ on the Scriptures
“Oh, how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day.” Ps 119:97 NKJV
Andrew Murray wrote, “There is a direct connection between the degree to which you succeed in life and the time you spend meditating on God’s Word.” God told Joshua, “Meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will…have good success” (Jos 1:8 NKJV). We live in the age of ADD. We once believed that if we had more material things, we would feel happier. But it doesn’t work. The more things we acquire, the more we have to protect, insure, maintain, stress out over, and keep up with. Jesus said, “One’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses” (Lk 12:15 NKJV). So, what’s the answer? “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength” (Isa 30:15 NKJV). In Pathways to Power, Merrill F. Unger writes: “This holy exercise of pondering over the Word, chewing it as an animal chews its cud to get its sweetness and nutritive virtue…takes time, which ill fits into the speed of our modern age. Today most Christians’ devotions are too hurried, their lives too rushed.” The psalmist David said: “I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches. Because You have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice. My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me” (Ps 63:6-8 NKJV). Slow down. Take time to meditate on God’s Word. Your survival, strength, and success depend on it.
A time to be careful
“If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!” 1Co 10:12 NIV
The time to be careful is after you have reached your goals and you’re celebrating your victories. There are three crucial points in every battle, and believe it or not, the easiest one is sometimes the fight itself. The most difficult point is the period of indecision right before the conflict—whether to stand and fight or run away—the battle between faith and fear. But by far the most dangerous period is the aftermath. With your resources spent and your guard down, you need to watch for things like overconfidence, dulled reactions, and faulty judgment. Remember King David’s story? “In the spring of the year, at the time when kings go out to battle…David remained at Jerusalem. Then it happened…he saw a woman bathing…Then David sent messengers, and took her” (2Sa 11:1-2, 4 NKJV). Pay particular attention to the phrase, “Then it happened.” David chose to stay home rather than go to battle. Who knows why? Maybe his impressive record of successes made him soft, or he got careless, or arrogant? It was only a brief affair, but it changed everything. His peace vanished, his character was ruined, and his family life destroyed. Don’t fall prey to the perils of past victories! Remember your H.A.L.T. sign. When you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, you’re in a vulnerable place and need to be extra careful. Resting on your laurels is synonymous with flirting with disaster. Trouble awaits the man or woman who dwells in the comfortable land of accomplished dreams. So, the word for you today is—“If you think you’re standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!”
Shut yourself in with God
“I long for you, O God.” Ps 42:1 NLT
Are you having difficulty understanding God’s ways? We all struggle with that. Even though we can look back and see how His hand of blessing and guidance has been upon us, at times we still feel afraid and alone. Jesus Himself cried, “My God…why hast thou forsaken me?” (Mt 27:46). Those words could be interpreted, “I may not understand what’s happening right now, but I know you’re still my God.” What assurance! Have you ever watched a child reach for a parent’s hand and say, “Slow down; you’re walking too fast”? The child is afraid of getting lost or left behind. Is that how you feel today? Like you can’t keep up? That life is moving way too fast? The Bible says, “As the deer longs for streams of water…I long for you, O God” (Ps 42:1 NLT). You don’t “long” for something unless you value it and need it. Only raw need will cause you to turn away from every other visible means of support and pursue God, because you know that without Him, you won’t make it. The truth is, if you didn’t need Him so desperately, you could easily become satisfied with lesser things. Three things happen when you pursue God with all your heart. (1) You enter the realm where “all things are possible” (Mk 10:27). (2) You grow more Christlike, because you become like the company you keep (See 2Co 3:18). (3) You learn that certain levels of blessing are only reached when you diligently seek God (See Heb 11:6). Are you weary of human answers? Do you need more than just good advice? Shut yourself in with God today and let Him speak to you.
Work on your character
“The righteous man walks in his integrity.” Pr 20:7 NKJV
When the Bible speaks of integrity, it means having a good character. And good character sets boundaries. It may not always determine what you will do, but it always determines what you won’t do. Character lets you realize how much you’re willing to pay to get what you want. When someone in a relationship has no character, they’re dangerous. The writer of Proverbs says, “The righteous man walks in his integrity; his children are blessed after him.” Character doesn’t have to be in the spotlight, excessively running the show. And it doesn’t resort to intimidation or shaming to get its own way. The person who thinks he or she can get what they want by lying, cheating, or manipulating is sadly mistaken. Understand this: No matter where you go, the real you will eventually show up! And if you don’t work on your character, you won’t be able to build healthy relationships. Genuine relationships require integrity; someone who shows consistent character in all circumstances; someone who plays by the rules and can be relied upon; someone who offers credit where credit is due; someone who lives by faith; someone who trusts God to enable them to accomplish all that he or she was created and called to do. The Bible tells us the wicked may prosper for a season, but they will not endure. And ultimately, they will most certainly not triumph (See Pr 11:21). The psalmist says, “The integrity of the upright will guide them, but the perversity of the unfaithful will destroy them” (Pr 11:3 NKJV). So, the word for you today is—work on your character.
Handling temptation (2)
“The joy of the Lord is your strength.” Ne 8:10 NIV
Ever notice when you’re hungry, everything on the menu looks good? Similarly, when your soul is dissatisfied, sin looks tempting. That’s why you must always be spiritually self-aware and monitor your level of soul satisfaction. On the dashboard of your car are lights that tell you how hot the engine is running or when you’re about to run out of oil. They’re sometimes referred to as “idiot lights,” because only an idiot would ignore them. The main light on the dashboard of your heart is your “soul-satisfaction” light. That’s why in the Bible there are so many Scriptures that call us to joy: “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” “You will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand” (Ps 16:11 NIV). “With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation” (Isa 12:3 NIV). “Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete” (Jn 16:24 NIV). So, why do otherwise intelligent people keep getting snared? Because when we’re dissatisfied with our lives, we’re vulnerable to temptation. And the deeper our level of discontent, the more susceptible we are. We were made for soul satisfaction; we can’t live without it. And if we don’t find it in our relationship with God, we will look for it in all the wrong places. Paul says, “The kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit” (Ro 14:17 NIV). Note the words “joy in the Holy Spirit.” The secret to joy lies in Spirit-directed living—it always has, and it always will.
Worship your way through it
“The lad and I will go yonder and worship, and we will come back to you.” Ge 22:5 NKJV
Imagine having to offer your child on an altar as a sacrifice to God. And God doesn’t tell you why! Here is what Abraham said to the two young men who accompanied him on the most difficult journey of his life: “Stay here…the lad and I will go yonder and worship, and we will come back [both of us!].” Abraham’s commitment to God was unwavering: “I will worship my way through this and come back stronger!” Worry and worship are total opposites. And we will be much happier when we learn to become worshipers instead of worriers. Worry causes an opening for the Enemy to torment us, but worship guides us into God’s presence where we unfailingly find peace, joy, and hope. We were created to worship God (See Rev 4:11). When nothing else works, worship does because it places our entire focus on Him. God is good even while our circumstances aren’t. So, stop worrying; give your concerns to God, and live in His grace. Grace isn’t just divine favor; it’s power and divine enablement! Don’t squander another day of your life worrying. Determine what your role is and what it isn’t. Don’t attempt to take on God’s responsibility. When you do what you can do, God steps in and does what you can’t do. Present yourself and your worries to God, worship Him, and start enjoying the abundant life He provides for you. The moment you recognize you are worrying, disrupt your wrong thought patterns by saying, “I will not worry. I will worship you, Lord. You are good, and I completely trust You.”
The secret of self-control
“Set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things).” Col 3:2 AMPC
To have a disciplined life, you must have a disciplined mind. Jesus said Satan’s threefold purpose is to “steal, and to kill, and to destroy” (Jn 10:10). And you forget it at your own peril! In your own strength, you’re no match for Satan, but God will give you strength to overcome his strategies and exercise self-control. And the Bible tells us how: “Set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth.” Note the words “set your minds and keep them set.” Many cars come with speed control. When you reach the speed limit, you simply “set” the car’s computer by pushing a lever or hitting a button and the car maintains that speed. It won’t go above it or drop beneath it. Similarly, when your mind is programmed with God’s Word, you “set” your thoughts and desires on that which pleases God rather than that which satisfies the cravings of your lower nature. Self-discipline is the price of freedom. When you’re controlled by your impulses, you’re not free, you’re a slave. Even legitimate things can enslave you. The saying goes, “Too much of a good thing quickly becomes a bad thing!” Paul writes: “Everything is permissible (allowable and lawful) for me; but not all things are helpful (good for me to do, expedient and profitable when considered with other things)…I will not become the slave of anything or be brought under its power” (1Co 6:12 AMPC). So, the secret of self-control is to program your mind with God’s Word.
Commit to the relationship (3)
“Now Jonathan again caused David to vow, because he loved him.” 1Sa 20:17 NKJV
For a relationship to succeed, both parties must be totally committed to it. Today let’s look at some more of the reasons why we may be afraid to commit. (1) Consider whether you have real feelings for your partner or whether you are biding your time until somebody better comes along. In other words, be honest with yourself because your happiness depends on it. (2) Talk about your specific fears with your partner. One writer offers these: “I’m afraid you will try to change me”; “I’ll feel emasculated if you don’t submit to me”; “If the marriage fails, you may take my money and leave me impoverished”; “You may restrict too much of my time with the boys”; “You may require too much of my attention.” You must honestly share your feelings and request feedback to your concerns. (3) Try a thirty-day interval of “no contact” with your romantic interest and find out how life would feel without him or her. Some noncommitted relationships are merely for convenience, so assess your feelings apart from the inconvenience you will endure. Convenience is a weak foundation for a marriage. (4) Reexamine your expectations. Don’t expect your partner to fulfill every facet of your life. For example, if you have a need for high adventure that’s manifested in bungee jumping, find friends to enjoy it with, and be happy that your partner is faithful, loving, and laughs a lot. And one more thought: There is an emptiness within each of us that only God can fill. And when He does, we require less from our partner and learn how to become a better partner.
Commit to the relationship (1)
“For wherever you go, I will go.” Ru 1:16 NKJV
One of the greatest Scriptures on commitment in the Bible are the words of Ruth to Naomi: “Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following after you; for wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.” Why are we afraid to commit to a relationship? (1) Fear of losing control: “Why forgo my independence?” (2) Fear of lack: “What if he or she ruins my finances?” (3) Fear of inadequacy: “What if I can’t meet his or her expectations?” (4) Fear of loneliness: “What if he or she deserts me?” (5) Fear of pain: “I’ve been hurt before, and I don’t want to be hurt again.” So, what do you do? Today the answer has become a “trial marriage,” but it doesn’t work. Living together without marriage is like renting a room versus buying a house. If a repair is necessary for the rented room, the renters are apt to abandon the room for another. If a repair is necessary for their home, the owners make the required commitment to protect their investment. Psychology Today reported the discoveries of Yale University sociologist Neil Bennett that cohabitating women who later married were 80 percent more prone to separate or divorce than women who had lived apart from their spouses before marriage. Contrary to what you may think, those who play around and move from relationship to relationship don’t experience lasting happiness. Whereas, those who commit themselves to God and to one another experience true and lasting happiness.
Growing older with grace (2)
“They will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity.” Pr 3:2 NIV
By the year 2030, one in five of us will be seventy years of age or older. That’s about 20 percent of the world’s population. Millions of us will live to be a hundred or more. When asked at his birthday party how he felt about turning eighty, President Dwight D. Eisenhower replied, “It sure does beat the alternative!” Anita Bogan died in 2007 at the ripe old age of 106. Her obituary in the Los Angeles Times read: “Blessed with good health and a sound mind, Bogan spent most of her old age doing what she wanted to do, with a feisty, what’s-age-got-to-do-with-it attitude. In the decades following her 80th year, she created a non-profit foundation to build senior housing…opened a floral shop, played golf daily…took cruises to celebrate her…birthdays…and inspired people. On Bogan’s 100th birthday, the Kern County Board of Supervisors declared an ‘Anita Bogan Day.’” By her attitude toward life, Anita changed the way people around her viewed aging. And the Bible doesn’t just promise long life, it promises quality life. “My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity” (vv. 1-2 NIV). “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. For through wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life” (Pr 9:10-11 NIV). The secret of enjoying the aging process is to build a close relationship with God and live according to His principles.
Let your children enjoy their childhood
“I will lead on slowly, at the pace of…the children.” Ge 33:14 ESV
Today there is a tendency on the part of some parents to try and make their children grow up too quickly. They rush them through the milestones of childhood and thrust them into the turmoils of adolescence. This is the conclusion of developmental psychologist Dr. David Elkind, who called this cultural phenomenon the “Hurried Child Syndrome.” It happens when parents encourage their children to act like teenagers, such as buying makeup for preschool girls, allowing early-teenage dating, treating kids more like grown-ups, expecting them to make adult-level choices, dressing them in designer clothes, and especially, subjecting them to graphic sexuality in television, music videos, movies, and the internet. Years ago, parents understood the necessity of a safe and orderly progression through childhood. There were cultural markers that defined the ages at which specific behaviors and activities were deemed appropriate or inappropriate. Today these markers have vanished, or they have been moved downward. And it can be a big mistake. When you treat your children as if they’re already grown, it becomes very challenging to set limits on their adolescent behavior in the near future. How can you establish a curfew for a thirteen-year-old, for example, who has been taught to view himself or herself as an adult? In short, the “Hurried Child Syndrome” deprives our kids of childhood and puts them on an unnatural timetable that’s detrimental to their mental and physical health. If you’re wise, you will heed the advice of Jacob to his brother Esau: “I will lead on slowly, at the pace of…the children.”
Prophecy fulfilled
“Declaring…from ancient times things that are not yet done.” Isa 46:10 NKJV
How can you be sure the Bible is divinely inspired and therefore worthy of your trust? By prophecy fulfilled! No other religion has specific, repeated, and unfailing fulfillment of predictions made many years in advance of events over which the predictor had no control. Finite human beings know the future only if it’s told to them by an infinite being. And God provided this evidence for us so we would know that the Scriptures have a divine author: “For I am God…Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times things that are not yet done” (vv. 9-10 NKJV). The Bible’s sixty-six books, written between 1400 BC and AD 90, contain approximately 3,856 verses concerned with prophecy. And here is the best part! Over 25 percent of the entire Bible contains specific predictive prophecies that have already been fulfilled—literally. Sir Isaac Newton said, “I find more sure marks of authenticity in the Bible than in any profane history whatsoever.” You ask, “Then how come some people don’t believe the Bible?” Because they haven’t opened their hearts to God! Paul writes: “No one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God. These things we also speak, not in words which man’s wisdom teaches but which the Holy Spirit teaches…the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned” (1Co 2:11-14 NKJV).
Showing love and respect
“Love one another…giving precedence and showing honor to one another.” Ro 12:10 AMPC
One of the first signs of trouble in a marriage is taking each other for granted. And it happens subtly, like a weed growing up and choking a rose. Dr. James Dobson writes: “One of the best ways to keep a marriage healthy is to maintain a system of mutual accountability within the context of love. This is done by protecting what I call the ‘line of respect’…Let me illustrate. Suppose I work in my office two hours longer than usual…knowing that my wife, Shirley, is at home preparing a special candlelight dinner. If I don’t call to let her know I’ll be late, you can bet that I’m going to hear about it when I get home. Shirley would see my behavior as insulting—and she’d be right. So she’d say, in effect, ‘Jim, what you did was selfish, and I can’t let it pass.’ In those few words, and probably a few more, she would have spoken her mind in love and held me accountable for my disrespect. Then we would move on together. In a healthy marriage, some things are worth defending, and mutual respect is at the top of the list. This doesn’t mean you should nag, insult, publicly embarrass your mate, or point out insignificant indiscretions that should be overlooked. But a workable system of ‘checks and balances’ can keep your marriage on course when issues of respect are at stake. This kind of mutual accountability is the best way I know to avoid an unexpected explosion when stored resentment and anger reach a critical mass.” So: “Love one another…giving precedence and showing honor to one another.”
Do you have an attitude of entitlement?
“By love serve one another.” Gal 5:13
Do you have an “I-O-YOU” attitude or a “U-O-ME” attitude? What gives us an attitude of entitlement? It’s found in the middle of the word entitlement itself: “title.” We assume people owe us because of the title we hold in their lives: wife, husband, mother, brother, daughter, friend, pastor, donor, employee, boss, etc. We think of our title as a title deed that gives us the right to whatever advantage we expect. Paul described the essence of discipleship in these words: “By love serve one another.” If you have an attitude of entitlement, here are some strategies to help you overcome it: (1) Understand the difference between your “rights” and your “desires.” You have the right to expect your husband or wife to be faithful to you, but you don’t have the right to expect them to wait on you hand and foot. “For God so loved…that he gave” (Jn 3:16). True love is marked by giving, not taking. (2) Live by the Golden Rule (See Mt 7:12). Jesus said that whatever you want others to do for you, take the initiative and begin doing it for them. You say, “But what if they don’t return the favor?” God will reward you anyway! “He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other believers, as you still do” (Heb 6:10 NLT). (3) Never assume that a person’s past kindness creates an ongoing obligation to you. God may use others to bless you, but He alone must always be the source you trust to meet your needs (See Jas 1:17).
Try to be more gentle
“We were gentle among you.” 1Th 2:7 NKJV
Wrecking balls are used to demolish things, but they’re useless in the building process. With that picture in mind, ask yourself, “Do I use the force of my personality and the power of my position to impose my will on people and get them to do things my way?” If your answer is yes, then understand this: Those who are the most controlling are often the most afraid of being controlled! Question: What do you fear would happen if you treated others with respect and considered their input, ideas, and choices? Are fear and intimidation the only ways you can imagine of holding on to relationships? Wouldn’t you rather earn the love of others by being considerate rather than cruel, or are you willing to settle for fearful submission? If you need to, talk to a friend or counselor and try to get to the root of the deeper issues that are driving your behavior. Over the next week, try not to criticize or rob anyone of his or her right to choose. Remember that even God gives people the power of choice. And you’re not God. Keep this challenge going for two more weeks or for as long as it takes to get your controlling attitude under control. Paul was prolific enough to write the epistles and powerful enough to raise the dead, yet he said, “We were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children” (v. 7 NKJV). When people made mistakes, Paul said, “Restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted” (Gal 6:1 NKJV). So, the word for you today is—try to be more gentle.
Are you being led or being driven?
“The thing…you are doing is not good. You will surely wear out.” Ex 18:17-18 NAS
Do you feel like there isn’t enough of you to go around? Like you’re on the cliff’s edge and about to go over? Perhaps because you’re doing much more than God intended you to do. You see, when God reveals His purpose for your life, He also gives you His power to carry it out. Usually it’s simple and remarkably sane. One of the surest ways to know you are walking in God’s will is that you will feel led, not driven. Are you resting less and working more? Are you praying and reading your Bible less and worrying more? Maybe, like Moses, you’re dashing from one appointment to another: eating on the run, meeting deadlines, and trying to solve everybody’s problems while your own pile up. Others may have been impressed, but Moses’ father-in-law, Jethro, wasn’t. “What is this thing…you are doing…?” he asked (v. 14 NAS). Not surprisingly, Moses became defensive. Too-busy people usually are. He attempted to justify his schedule, but Jethro didn’t buy it. Instead, he told Moses, “The thing…you are doing is not good. You will surely wear out.” And what did he tell Moses to do? Shift gears and start sharing the load! (See vv. 22-23.) Then he bottom-lined it: “That will make your load lighter…you will be able to stand the strain” (vv. 22-23 NIV). Since when did a bleeding ulcer become a sign of spirituality, or a seventy-hour workweek the mark of efficiency? Be honest: Are you too stubborn to slow down, too insecure to say no, or too proud to ask for help? If so, talk to God about it.
You’re ‘called…by his marvelous grace’
“God…called me by his marvelous grace.” Gal 1:15 NLT
In Scripture you will notice that God usually called busy people. Moses the shepherd was busy tending his flock. Gideon the farmer was busy harvesting his crop. Peter and John the fishermen were busy mending their nets. But there was something inside each of them that responded to God’s call. With God, availability matters more than ability. Imagine for a moment a ranch hand named Saul out looking for his father’s lost mules, and returning home anointed to be Israel’s first king (See 1Sa 9-10). There is no telling what God will do with you! So, be faithful and nurture the dream He put in your heart, and when the time is right, He will set everything in place. The psalmist said, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Ps 37:4 NIV). Don’t be impatient. If God put the desire into your heart, He will provide everything needed to bring it to pass. Jesus said, “Human effort accomplishes nothing…the…words I have spoken to you are spirit and life” (Jn 6:63 NLT). So, water your vision with God’s Word, and spend time with Him in prayer. And if anyone tries to come between you and what God has called you to do, tell them, “Sorry, I have to go. I’m already spoken for. My destiny is too important to miss.” Don’t waste another day struggling with God’s call on your life; just surrender to Him! He didn’t call you because of your great track record, great intellect, or great gift. The Bible says, “Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound” (Ro 5:20). You’re “called…by his marvelous grace.”
Follow God and take your children with you
“Lot moved his tents to a place near Sodom.” Ge 13:12 NLT
Jesus said: “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea” (Mt 18:6 NIV). Implicit in those words is a sobering challenge to every parent: Your moral authority doesn’t come from your knowledge but from your lifestyle and integrity. As your children grow up, they’re less apt to listen to what you say and more inclined to imitate what you do. So where are your footsteps leading? Remember Abraham and Lot? They shared the same family, the same faith, and had the same opportunities in life. But when it came to raising children, Abraham grew roses and Lot grew weeds. What made the difference? Abraham followed God while Lot followed his own selfish interests. “Lot moved his tents to a place near Sodom.” Before it was over, Lot lost his moral authority with his family. So here is the question: As a parent, where are you pitching your tent? King David also lost his moral authority with his family. Even though God forgave his affair with Bathsheba and permitted him to remain on the throne, his sin took a terrible toll. His son Amnon raped his sister Tamar. His other son Absalom stole the throne, and his son Solomon’s wives ultimately led him into idolatry. Nathan the prophet told him, “Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you” (2Sa 12:11 NIV). You only get one chance to do it right, so follow God and take your children with you.