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Facing Loss Head on...
Two years and just over three months ago, I lost the most amazing person I have ever had in my life.
I was seventeen.
As each day, week, month and year pass by, his absence is felt even harder.
You only ever get two grandparents. Never did I imagine that I would spend the rest of my life without one.
"I have cancer." Those words ring in my ears every single day. I was fifteen when I first heard those three words. I didn't understand what it meant only acknowledging that he was sick.
For two years my granddad was bounced around four different hospitals. Hooked on chemo therapy, radiation and many different medications, I witnessed the life slowly drive out of someone.
I wanted him so badly to cheer me on at my soccer games, drive me to school, go on Saturday morning Tim Horton runs and go to the beach. He was healthy, active and happy. There was no sign pointing towards cancer. My granddad never got sick.
He was the kind of person who would make you feel like his own son, daughter, brother or sister. He always reached out to those in need. He cared like no other. He loved like no other. He lived like no other.
Each day it hurts a little more. The effect of this loss has changed so much about myself. My life hasn't been the same. I still walk through the house door and expect him to be sitting on the couch, watching Bundesliga soccer games. I still walk into Tim Horton's and pretend he's there ordering coffee while I snack on a donut.
There's this quote, "We didn't realize we were making memories. We just knew we were having fun."
When I think of this quote I realize that when you have a person who is so special and close to you, you don't pay attention to the things you do and say. Little do we know all the moments good and bad, make beautiful memories.
On January fourth 2015 everything that I've known and loved was taken away from me. I lost so much that day. It's a day that I replay in my head a billion times. I never got to hold his hand, and tell him how much I loved him at his very last breath. The thing about this is i could've been there. But I chose to not be. I was selfish. I was tired of being around someone who could barely recognize me. Someone who was in so much pain. I was too oblivious to realize that he needed me. I chose to not get in the car with my mom that morning. I wanted to stay home. I would've at least known that I told him and he heard me. I cannot go back to that day and rewind the time. I neglected the fact that he was deteriorating.
I was always told that with time it will get better. I've come to realize that it is completely false. Breaking a bone or getting a bad grade will eventually heal and improve. But when you face a loss of this magnitude there will never be a timeline for "recovery." Because you truly never recover. You can only cope and heal.
Grief is real, prickling, heart-wrenching, tiring and painful. It hits you like a truck. The hardest part is going on with life. Holidays and birthdays are one the hardest challenges. You are cruelly reminded of who should be there but isn't. It's a permanent part of you that is indefinitely damaged.
There was a time when I felt numb and hopeless. It was scary because I felt nothing but felt everything. The shame and fear of wanting so badly to tell someone, but being too weak to say anything at all. I was saved that day. I am here to tell my story. I hope that anyone out there in this beautiful world who has ever lost someone knows that there are ways to talk about it.
I can't tell you how to cope, how to feel or how to move forward. There is no manual for grief. It's a silent barrier that makes you different. You have to try.
I have to live on for my granddaddy. I need to honor his memory and celebrate his legacy by moving forward. With love, trust, strength, fearlessness and family, we will find peace.
So with that, live, dream big and hug those around you a little tighter. :)
@american
Depression Can Be Cured...
I want to tell you about depression which is a kind of disorder that side by side kills you internally, all emotional and physical activities gets disturbed by it. I have seen people suffering from depression due to loss of loved ones, genetics as depression can run in families, mental sickness, by usage of drugs, or it also takes place when one starts a job, or getting married etc. may be due to stress. So here is my little effort for people who are suffering from this severe problem.
Depression typically encompasses sleep problems either makes you sleep little or more. It effects brain and stress patterns as well. The basic therapy for depression are antidepressant which increase the levels of brain chemicals, causes efficiency. Medical treatment or usage of anti-depressants can antidote depression. One who is in a dire need or want quick recovery should go for it otherwise natural remedies can do best to overcome depression without having any side effects.
First you have to realise the reason behind depression. What’s making you sad? What are reasons behind your failure? Some of the natural factors that reduce depression includes the quality of food, body movements etc.
Abstain processed food, fast food and commercial baked goods which cause depression. Research has concluded that more unhealthy fats one consume, higher will be the risk of depression. We have to replace vegetable oils with olive oil that declines the risk of depression by almost 50 percent. Coconut oil is also good in this regard, which feeds brain.
Secondly, exercise is the best things for uplifting moods. It regulates circulation to supply more oxygen, glucose, and nutrients to brain. Regular physical exercise can do better than SSRIs (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors), drugs used for the treatment of depression. Outdoor exercise can do far better than indoor exercise, it increases liveliness, interest and interaction with the surroundings. It can also lower stiffness, sadness and lethargy. Under favourable circumstances it can replenish our vitamin D storage which have the ability to lift our moods. Sun in this regard is more beneficial.
Meditation is one of the best ways to settle depression. Researchers from Johns Hopkins University concluded that meditation is beneficial for mental disorders of all kinds.
According to the studies, people who are depressed express nearly 50 percent less gratitude than the normal ones. Gratitude is riddled by emotions such as greed, frustration, resentment, and regret which are the characteristics of depression so in order to feel stress-free and comfortable pay thanks every day for all the blessings you have.
Take care of your health and physical appearance. Talk of what you need and what you don’t. Instead of keeping dual personalities be real and simple. Try to think, perceive, and act positive. Don’t let negative thoughts, feelings of uselessness and loneliness, and fears govern you!
@american
Your Beliefs Greatly Affect Your Behaviors
Van Gogh said, "If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." Your beliefs greatly affect your behaviors. When you identify what beliefs are holding you back and act in spite of them, your results will begin to change.
Did you know success— almost always— boils down to one thing?
And if you aren't willing to learn this, in its entirety, you will never claim it.
"It is the mind that maketh good of ill, that maketh wretch or happy, rich or poor." —Edmund Spenser
Your frame of mind dictates your reality.
Every single day, both men and women will test your frame of mind—measuring your self-belief—testing your role within the social hierarchy. That is not a pessimistic view of life.
In fact, it's quite the contrary.
Anything you ever wanted—and will want—is within your reach when you believe with conviction that you can achieve it. The Bible calls it faith. Sports psychologists call it confidence. Entrepreneurs call it determination.
The great E.E. Cummings said, "Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”
To be anything and everything you want to be, you must have a dominant frame of mind.
That is to say that you must believe it, regardless of contrary or unchanging conditions. This is the fundamental principle of attraction - not just in the pick up community. You must believe you capable of achieving a result without actually making it about achieving it. (e.g. focus on being attractive, not getting that one girl.)
When I need an example of a powerful frame of mind, I look towards Muhammad Ali. Here are some of his most famous quotes:
"If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it—then I can achieve it."
"I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was."
"If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologize."
"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.” Ali demonstrated time and time again, that he was completely sold on his success. His hands were steady on the wheel of life. He had conviction--a firm unshakable belief in himself.
If your hands shake whenever someone tests you, you will always fall within another person's perception of reality. You are in unique place. You are alive and the world is your oyster. Develop the one the skill of unshakable belief, and carry with you the rest of your life, you will With this skill, your world view will always win out—and remember, in your world view, you are a KING.
When we believe something with enough emotional intensity, our mind will do everything in its power to reinforce it as our reality.
This one realization will empower you to take complete control of your life.
@american
Continued...
10. How to start the process of conditioning your mind. Let’s take the phrase “I’m not good enough” as an example. Ask yourself, not good enough for what exactly? Who said you’re not good enough? Do you really think that’s a fact or could it be a false belief you need to change? You feel sad or angry or hurt about something that went wrong but did you ever ask what valuable lesson you got out of that situation?
There is nothing you can do about what you did or not in the past now. But how you want your present and future to look like is very much in your control. So you can ask yourself what am I supposed to do now with all that past pain, how can I turn it into something powerful that can help me and maybe even others in time?
11.Stop comparing yourself to other people. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone; you are not supposed to look like someone else, be like someone else or live like someone else. Nobody’s life is better than yours, or worse than yours, this is all an illusions we create in our head. We “think” someone is better or worse than someone else. The only thing that is, is what you choose, what you create in your mind. Your mind is your most powerful possession, it can create a world you love or hate. It can give you everything that you want if you only learn how to use it right.
Last but not least I want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with being depressed. I know it might sound contradictory since all I have been talking about above is how to get out of depression. I know despite of knowing what to do and sometimes doing the right things you can still feel depressed. I know how it feels, I’ve been there and that’s completely fine.
Whatever you have been through will take some time to heal and that’s normal, it’s how it’s supposed to be. But these tools might help you heal much faster than you would if you didn’t do any of the things mentioned above. I still use all of the tools above, but it’s become more of a habit and part of my life now rather than tools. I know now that I will be able to get out of depression if I ever feel depressed again. And hopefully live my life in such a way where I don’t have to feel depressed ever again. By knowing that each and everything we need to truly be happy is already inside of us. It takes practice but it can be done by anyone.
All my love goes out to you.
@american
I Overcame Depression. Here's What I
Did
I think it’s very important to mention first and foremost that I have been depressed in my life. This doesn’t make me a therapist of course or qualified in any professional way to give you advice on this subject.
But I can say with confidence that I know how it feels to be depressed and I also know how to build a life where you can be happy. I overcame my depression.
Let me first tell you that I was living alone in New York one Summer, and I didn’t have the blessing of having friends or family coming to visit me or checking up on me. And I didn’t exactly feel like reaching out to someone telling them “hey, I’m depressed, can you come over?” because I felt drained and tired of everything.
I wasn’t eating well, at one point I didn’t and I didn’t feel like exercising or going out at all. Everything seemed pointless, life seemed so meaningless and I couldn’t find joy in anything. I cried most of the time and felt as if I was all alone in this world and that no one was ever going to love me, see me or care for me again.
If I have earned your trust by telling you about a part of my past that was really difficult at the time, then I have some real words of wisdom for you. I talk about trust because I really need you to trust me when I say that I know how it feels, I’ve been there, I haven’t experienced exactly what you have/are but I bet the feelings you feel I’ve felt too. I really want you to listen to what I’m about to say because if you do it can change your life and you can start the healing process that will set you free from suffering and pain.
1. Never ever believe peoples nasty opinions about you. People like to talk; some of them like to talk when they shouldn’t. When someone says something nasty to you, you must understand that it has much more to do with them than with you. Many people will try to tell you who you are and what you should do and what you deserve and don’t. These people more than often tend to show up when we are vulnerable and hurt. Bottom-line is, don’t believe their opinions, especially when they are negative and about you!
2. Get far, far, far away from people who put you down and are negative to your spirit. It doesn’t matter if these people are your family, friends or only people you hang out with. You need to get away from them if you ever want to get out of feeling depressed. They are toxic to your spirit, to your heart and instead of lifting you up they will drag you down to the bottom of the ocean because that’s usually where people who put others down live.
3. Feel your pain and set yourself free. I was alone and felt my stomach turning out of fear of loneliness and other strange feelings which I didn’t understand at the time. I did what my wisdom told me; let the feelings come, allow yourself to be in the moment with your emotions. Doing this will make you heal, yes, you will be one step closer to letting go of your depression. You will set yourself free every time you allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you are actually feeling. Feel all the sensations in your body, maybe it’s your heart beating faster, maybe it’s tears rolling down your cheeks, maybe it’s a sense of pain in your chest or head.
4. Depression can’t be cured with love, but it can be cured with self love. I used to think that if someone would only care about me enough to invite me to their home or love me enough to just call and check up on me, then I wouldn’t be so depressed. Well let me tell you, no one will check up on you if you don’t. No one will call you, embrace you, and take care of you unless you do. And even if you do find someone who is willing to love all of you the way you are, you will still feel depressed because you are unsatisfied with yourself. You have unfinished business within yourself that no one can come and solve for you. No one can “love” you out of your depression; it would be an illusion to think that it can happen. Continued...
@american
Continued ...
5. Please remember that you are worth all the love, happiness and peace in the world. I cannot stress the “please” enough here. Actually I cannot stress this entire sentence enough. Being depressed doesn’t mean you are not worthy of having anything that you want.
6. Everybody has voices in the head that tells lies. You have to be very careful with the voices you hear in your mind. Especially the negative ones because they are not true. Have you ever heard or read somewhere that we create our own reality? Which basically means; what you think about you will manifest in your life. I won’t go in depth about this concept here but what I can tell you is this. To make your negative thoughts “go away” or stop then you will have to replace them with the truth.
7. Write your truth. Write down your new truth about who you are, who you really are, who you want to be, what you want to have in your life and how you want to feel on a daily basis. For change to happen you must be willing to do something to change it and this right here is an incredible way of making the change take place. Ask yourself the big questions. Like whom do you want to be? What do you wish to achieve in your life? What makes you truly happy? What can you do to get what you want? Depression is not your identity, depression is just a state of mind you are feeling right now. But what you want to ask yourself is who are you when you are happy, free and peaceful? If you can’t answer that then try visualizing yourself looking happy, healthy, free and peaceful, how do you feel?
8. Conditioning your mind to work for you not against you. Once I understood this concept I really started to see my entire life differently. When we are depressed we tend to focus on everything that’s bad in our life. We think of the mistakes we have made, things we wished we did differently and how sad we feel for all the bad stuff and news we hear about each day.
9. Your thoughts are completely in your control. You might think your thoughts are not in your control and everything you feel is just coming to you by some unknown force. That’s where you are wrong. And how I was wrong as well. We all have absolute control over our thoughts. I agree we cannot always control the outer circumstances of life but we can control how we chose to look at them. Techniques that will help you control or rather train your mind to have pure thoughts are daily meditation, affirmations like I’ve mentioned, being true to yourself, following your passion and doing what you truly want. Continued...
@american
What's your religion? Mine is love
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Catholic, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat...
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking. In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school... The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about.. And we said okay..
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing yet?
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Talk about this, if you think it has merit. If not, then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
@american
Moonpie
Over the last few months I have once again been reminded of two things: God has a sense of humor and God knows how to heal a hurting heart. It all started a few weeks after the death of our beloved dog. At the time I was in mourning and had no intention of adding yet another pet to a house still crowded with 1 dog, 1 cat, and a turtle with a bad attitude. Little was I to know, however, that God had other plans. That very day my cousin came home from her walk carrying a small, sad-eyed bag of bones in her arms. She had rescued the poor, limping puppy after it had almost gotten hit by a car.
I knew that I would have to take this little dog into my home at least while we looked for her owners. I was worried too that she might not be easily accepted by our other dog and cat and the turtle. Instead she quickly and happily took over the entire house. With a curious combination of cuteness and rambunctiousness she made us all laugh and love her at the same time. Her leg quickly healed. She put on weight and soaked up the love and attention we gave her like a sponge. Soon she was sharing my bed, bringing out the playful puppy in our older dog, chewing on my shoes, and touching my soul as well. She showed me something we all should know: the best way to heal is to open your heart and love again.
No one ever claimed this 4 legged angel so she joyfully made her home in our house and in our hearts. We named her "Moonpie" because she was as sweet as the dessert. She was also ornery, full of energy, and more than a handful at times. Still, I thank God for bringing her into our lives. He knew just what we needed and just when we needed it. Thanks to little "Moony" our hearts have been healed and our days are even more full of love. And I am sure too that when we laugh at her antics, God and the angels are laughing with us.
@american
@american
The Greatest Adventure Of All
When I was a little girl I used to love those nights when my Mom would read me a story before bed. I would be warm under my blankets while my Mom's soothing voice would take me on an adventure to another world. As I got older I soon started taking those magical adventures myself. There seemed to be so many books and so little time to read them all. I journeyed along with Bilbo and Frodo in "The Hobbit" and "The Lord of the Rings." I walked excitedly into the closet with the kids in "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." I traveled into outer space and went on quests with the Knights of the round table. I journeyed to the center of the Earth and swung through the trees with Tarzan. I fought in the battle of Troy and the traveled on the voyages of Ulysses. I went on thousands of great adventures all from the safety of my chair and comfort of my bed.
As I grew into adulthood, however, I came to realize something very important: the greatest adventure of all is the life you live here. Living your life with compassion, kindness, laughter and joy day by day and moment by moment is more exciting than the best book. Putting your heart on the line in the real world takes far more courage than putting your life on the line in some make believe fantasy. Offering hugs, sharing smiles, giving your love and help to others may seem like little things in a book's plot line, but in life they are the things that help to make the world a better, more Heavenly place.
I will always love books and the adventures they bring to the heart and mind, but I will also forever embrace the greatest adventure of all. God put us here in this world to live, to learn, and to love. What greater quest than to do so every single day of our lives? What greater adventure than to become the people God meant for us to be?
@american
A Blessing in Disguise!
The rain poured down on the car stopped by the side of the road. I had made my aunt pull over a few minutes earlier when her tears had made it impossible for her to drive. My own heart ached with pain and my eyes were wet with tears too. It was the worst moment of our lives. I held her in my arms for a long time while the Heavens seemed to cry with us.
We had just come from a specialist office in a big hospital. We had taken my firstborn cousin there to be tested. He was nearing 3 years old and hadn't started to talk yet. He also had displayed behaviors that weren't normal. After a long wait and longer tests the Doctor told us that there was definitely something wrong although he couldn't say what it was. He recommended more tests. We drove away in silence. I could see the hurt in my aunt's eyes as she tried to hold back the coming tears. All she had wanted was a "normal" little boy. Finally as the rain began to fall outside the car our tears began to fall inside it.
We sat there for the longest time crying and feeling powerless and unsure of what to do next. After a while the clouds parted and the sun began to shine again. I looked back at my little cousin in his carseat and he smiled happily back at me. My family knew then that we had to go on no matter what the road ahead of us may hold.
My cousin was later diagnosed with Autism and mental retardation. He was five years old before he finally began to speak in sentences. Although he learned to talk and read we still knew that he would have to be looked after for the rest of his life. As the years went on, though, I realized that my cousin was not only "special" mentally, but also "special" spiritually. Even with all the limitations and frustrations his handicap gave him, he still managed to give his kindness, love, and enthusiasm to everyone around him. He remembered people he met and called them by name. He gave out hugs as easily as the rest of us gave out "hi's".
He went through his days with a ready smile and a simple joy that were contagious. He gave up the role of "eldest child" to his younger "normal" sister, but still helped to look after his younger brother who had been born with an even more severe form of Autism. He became more than just my cousin. He became my friend. He became my helper. He became my teacher in how to live and in how to give. He became my inspiration on how to love and be happy in that love. He and his brother both became beautiful blessings in disguise.
As I look back on the years my cousins and I have spent together and look forward to the times that lie ahead of us, I once again thank God for giving them to me. My first cousin and his younger brother have both done what everyone of us longs to do: they have made this world a better and more beautiful place just by being in it. They have touched countless hearts with their love, laughter, and joy and they will undoubtedly touch countless more.
Many people look upon the mentally handicapped as something less than human. I now see them as something more. They have inside of them a deeper love, joy, and connection to God than the rest of us. And while we take care of them we should also take the time to learn from them as well. They truly are all blessings in disguise and while they sometimes bring us tears of sadness, they more often bring us tears of joy.
@american
Life Mantra - How To Live Your Life!
How to live your life?
A simple question isn't it? But it needs deeper understanding.
I call it GOAL mantra.
Get going
(just start with what ever you wish to do in life..don't wait for the right time or right moment..the right time is now)
Organize
(Set you priorities in life..thumb rule..you can never make everyone happy..don't hurt anyone..but ensure you make your life worth living)
Associate
( with everything you do)
Learn
(learn to be more happy..bold..quick..or anything..life is a process..one must never stop learning)
Everyone has there own way of living it..but GOAL is a general rule that one and all should follow irrespective of your age, gender,social status.
We are all here with assigned work..some love doing it and some love cursing it..your life is what you think of it.
Every minutes is precious make the most of it..make millions of beautiful memories.
Don't die at 25 and get buried at 75..live your life to the maximum..as you are the KING of your life and only you can choose the way you want to live it!
So go on..dare to rule your life!
@american